


Flinch

by Seth_Grey



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Dark Past, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Stoic Gaara, Trauma, alternative universe, selfharm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-19
Updated: 2014-08-26
Packaged: 2018-02-13 21:57:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 37,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2166621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seth_Grey/pseuds/Seth_Grey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto has just started college and is moving into a dorm. In that dorm he will find both friends and enemies.. He will find the person who's going to be able to see through his happy and smiling facade. Gaara is a loner and hate social interactions. He barely talks or eats with the other in his dorm. He is just unaware that everything is about to change. Slowly he is going to feel himself being drawn towards another person - which is something he never thought would happen. It's a Gaanaru fanfiction. It consists of fluff, humor, some angst, a bit psychologically and lots of romance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have already publised this story on Fanfiction . com, under a different name (SIm_Diru). So I just wanted to say that it is my story and I hope you enjoy it :D

Chapter 1

Naruto's POV

"Here we are, Number 9, this is your room." The boy grabbed the doorknob, opening the door for me.  
"Thanks" I said smiling at the boy, who had showed me to my room. I walked in and looked around. It was kind of nice. I could get used to living here.

I went outside, taking my luggage, and bringing them into my new room. After having gone back and fort a couple of times, I had brought everything. I began to assemble my furniture, leaving the rest of my stuff in the corner. I looked at the clock after having put together the bed and a bookshelf, it was dinner time. The boy I had met earlier, I think his name was Neji or something, said that they usually ate at 6 o'clock. I guess I would have to get going then, since really didn't want to be late, on my first day.

I walked towards the kitchen, already hearing the sound of people talking and pans and dishes being placed on the table. When I walked into the room, the sounds stopped. Everybody in the roomed looked at me, and Neji walked towards me. When he stood beside me, he turned around facing the others, and introduced me.

"This is Naruto. He is the one who has moved into room 9. Take good care of him"

I looked around, and saw people smiling at me. I lifted my hand and waved at them all.

"Hello, nice to meet you all. As he said, I'm Naruto." They smiled back and moved towards me.

"I'm Sakura, nice to meet you" A girl with an unnaturally pinkish hair color said to me, reaching her hand out towards me. I winced. I had forgotten all about handshakes.  
I lifted my hand slowly, while mentally preparing myself for all the handshakes I probably were about to give. I reluctantly took her hand, gave it a quick squeeze and quickly pulled it back again. She looked at me, a little confused, her hand still hanging between us, before she let it fall down and went back to preparing the food.

"I'm Kiba" A boy said loudly, grinning at me. He had brown hair, weird triangles on his cheeks and… was that sharp teeth? I looked at him, with wide eyes. What the!?.. How could his canine teeth be so sharp? Was that even normal? I wondered and couldn't stop staring at them, when he was smiling at me.

"Oh so you've noticed my teeth" He said, still grinning, "They're natural, if you were wondering"

I gasped looking into his eyes, how could he know what I was thinking about that.

"How..?" I asked still surprised.

"Everybody always asks me about it" he shrugged, "it's normal for me". He looked at me funnily.

"Hey, you kind of remind me of a fox" He said. I froze. I knew why he said that. People often made those kinds of comments, because of the six scars I have on my face. Three lines on each cheek like whiskers. I got uncomfortable.

"And you look like a dog!" I said back, trying to direct the attention away from myself. Kiba laughed.

"I know" He said, still laughing. "I like this guy, he's funny" He said, playfully hitting the guy next to him on the shoulder. Said guy bowling slightly.

"I'm Shino" He said in a soft voice. He was a bit creepy. He had a scarf and sunglasses on, even though we were indoor. I bowed slightly too, just happy I didn't need to shake his hand too.

"That person over there, who's sleeping on the table, is Shikamaru. He is unbelievable clever, but also unbelievable lazy." Kiba began, pointing over at some guy lying with his head on his hands over the table. "And the person over there is Sai." He continued. "Just keep away from him, he is…" Kiba frowned, seeming to look for the word to describe this person. "He is kind of weird". He pointed towards a guy with black, short hair, black eyes and unbelievable pale skin.

He kind of reminded me of. I stopped myself and shuddered. I need to stop thinking about that.

Sai walked towards us. "What's wrong dog?" He looked at Kiba. He turned and looked at me, wearing a fake smile.

"So how big are you?" I looked at him confused.

"What do you mean?" I said. He came a little to close for my liking and looked down.

"Your penis, how big is it?" He asked, extremely straightforward. Well maybe straight wasn't the right word..

I gasped. What the hell?! That's just not something you say to someone, especially someone you've just met!

"That doesn't concern you" I said through my clenched teeth.

"You don't seem that big, is there even something down there?" I grinded my teeth, trying not to let my fist meet his face.

Kiba cut in before things got worse. He began calling out the rest of the people in the kitchen, saying every persons name out loud, and most of them got over to me and offered me their hands. I reluctantly shook them too. I didn't want them to think I was rude, and I definitely didn't want to tell them the truth, so I just hurriedly shook their hands and let go again. There were 15 people overall who used this kitchen. How in the world did he expect me to remember all those names?

Gaara's POV

Slinted deep green eyes, which were starring right out into nothing. Slender body carved open, blood running down the girl's white flawless porcelains skin. I looked at her and added another few locks to her hair. Done!

I closed my sketch book throwing it down beside my bed. I closed my eyes, trying to relax. I had given up on trying to actually sleep. I looked at the clock. It's early in the morning. I had woken up early, only getting a few hours of sleep. I still felt a little groggy, but it's normal for me, so I just tried to ignore it.

I can hear the other students living in this dorm, getting up. I still hate the fact that I have to live here. There are too many people. Nosy, loud and annoying people. Fortunately they ignore me, and I ignore them, and that way, we can both live happily in the same space. Or everyone does except Sai. Sometimes he still tries to rile me up, calling me things or mocking me. I don't care, he can say what he want.


	2. Chapter 2

hapter 2

Naruto's POV

I sat at the end of the table. I still had some serious problem with physical contact, so I always placed myself at the end of tables, so I didn't have to sit between two people.

Someone sat down beside me and I looked. It was that weirdo. That's just my luck! Of course I get the weirdo. I sighed, this was going to be a long dinner if he continued like before. Kiba had been right, he was weird and it was best to stay away from him, unfortunately that option was kind of ruined now. I turned away and noticed that the seat in front of me was empty. I was about to ask Sai why, when I noticed a boy coming into the kitchen.

He had red spiky hair, a kanji-tattoo on his forehead and pale skin. He sat down quietly and began to eat. I couldn't believe it. He looked just like him. He really did, I can't believe it! My luck must have changed. I tried, in vain, to tone down my overwhelming excitement and happiness.

"Hello my name is Naruto, what's yours?" The boy just looked at me like I was a weirdo. Maybe I was. It was kinda weird to be that happy to see someone you don't know. I tried again, hoping to get a better result.

"I just moved into room 9" I smiled at him. Sai smiled that weird smile again. Ugh.

"Don't try to speak to him, he's just weird." He told me. "His name is Gaara, and he doesn't like to socialize with others" He said mockingly.

Weird he says, he's the one that's weird. Gaara just looked at him with cold eyes, ignoring me. Wow, he even has his personality. It's just so weird. It's like he came alive. I looked at Gaara with wide eyes, trying to get every little thing in. He had sea green eyes, and there was a thick layer of black makeup that surrounded them, making them stand out even more. He wore a black loose t-shirt with some band on and black baggy pants too. I continued staring, and noticed that he also had black nail polish on. Could he be more emo? I almost laughed out loud.

Gaara looked up at me and we stared into each others eyes before he broke the connection. Wow. There wasn't any other word to describe that. Those eyes held so much power. I ignored Sai's comment and tried to get him to talk again.

"So~.. Gaara, how long have you lived here? I waited, but he didn't answer, instead he just got up and left, having already eaten his food. Okay so the battle was lost, but I definitely would win the war. I grinned at Gaara, who still didn't look at me. Just wait Gaara. Just wait.

...Next morning...

An annoyingly loud noise woke me from a nice dream. I lashed out at the thing making this annoying noise and went back to sleep, when it finally stopped. I groaned when the sound started again. What the! I had just made it stop, and now it starts again. I turned around, and stared right into my alarm clock. Fuck! I had already slept half an hour too long. Fucking clock, that didn't wake me up, I groaned as I jumped out of bed.

I grabbed the clothes laying by my bed, not caring if they were clean and ran out the door, dressing my self on the way. I didn't have enough time to eat or make some lunch, but luckily I still had lots of ramen boxes left. I grabbed a couple of boxes and threw them into my bag, before hurrying out the door.

I found the bus stop, just in time to jump on the bus. I exhaled loudly. I made it. I found an empty seat, sitting down. I placed my bag on the seat beside me, hopping no one would want to sit beside me. I felt my eyelids dropping, beginning to blink and shake my head to try and stay awake. Normally I would sleep on the bus ride, but I didn't know where to get of. I kept my eyes on the road, trying to figure out when I should push the stop button.

I opened my eyes, looking at the road again. The ride should take a little under 20 minutes. I looked at the time to see how long there was now. I gasped when I noticed that I had been on the bus for 25 minutes. I slowly got up, walking towards the bus driver.

"Excuse me sir" I asked nicely. "When are we going to be at the university?" I looked at him, a little confused. It had said under 20 minutes, I was sure of that.

"We passed that 5 minutes ago" He huffed out, looking at me a little angry.

"What!" How could that have happened? I facepalmed myself. I must have fallen asleep before without noticing. "I need to get off now" I said running towards the doors. I got off and ran in the opposite direction of the bus. Great, just great. My first day, and first I wake up too late, and then I fall asleep on the bus missing my stop. I ran into the university, having some difficulties finding the right classroom.

When the classes are over, I walk out towards the bus stop.

"Hey Naruto my man" Someone yelled at me from behind. I turn and see the boy with the triangles on his cheeks. His name was. It was. Uhm..

"So you go to this university." "Yeah I do. I'm taking my bachelor of art here. I'm studying society and such" I answer, trying to get some distance between us.

"What about you?"

"I go to the veterinarian college right over there. I just need to use this bus stop to get home, since it's the closes one" Kiba explained.

"What about the others… I haven't seen them here" I'm usually late, so I always rush out of the door, so I didn't notice the others.

"Neji comes from this rich family, who owns a big lawyer firm. He is taking his bachelor of laws in some high class university somewhere" Kiba said a little mockingly. "His cousin, Hinata should have studied the same, but she went against her family and are now studying medicine."

"Oh. Alright". Hinata.. If she is in family she must be the black haired girl. The one that is unbelievably shy. I exhaled loudly. Hopefully I will learn them all someday.

"The two other girls, Sakura and Ino are also studying Medicine. Shino is studying to become a biologist. He seriously has an irrationally obsession with bugs, you know. You should be careful what you say and do if it involves bugs when he's around. He can get quite intimidating." Kiba said with a little laugh.

"Shikamaru is self-studying. I'm not sure what he study, since he always just say it's troublesome" Kiba said mockingly.

"And Sai studies something art related, I have never talked enough with him to find out what precisely it is, and I don't intend to" I understand him. That Sai is not a person who you enjoy talking to. He seriously doesn't have any sense of what's appropriate to say. We get into the bus together and I sat on the seat on the other side of the hallway in the middle of the bus. We talked about our classes and pranks we had pulled before. He was really fun, and we had a lot in common. He seems like a really cool guy, it just irks me that I can't remember his name.

"Where does Gaara go to classes?" I asked when we had arrived at the dorm. "I don't know.. He doesn't talk as you may have found out" He laughed at me. We split and I walked towards my own room. He didn't know. Then I just have to find out myself. I sat on my bed getting out my homework and started reading.

I looked up, rubbing my neck. I had sat too long in an uncomfortable position. It was almost 6 I noticed, so I got up and went to the kitchen. I helped the two girls with setting the table again, finding this the easiest for me to do. We all sat down and began to eat. I stared at the empty seat in front of me. Why wasn't Gaara here? Was he sick? Or maybe sleeping.. Maybe I should go to his room and see if something is wrong. I got up, but at the same time, I saw Gaara walking into the kitchen.

"Hello Gaara" I called out loudly. "Have you been to your university today?" I smiled at him. He still ignored me. "What are you studying?" I continued smiling at him. I didn't want to give up. I continued the rest of dinner, trying to get him to talk or talking to some of the others who sat close to us. Gaara finished quickly and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Naruto chapter, Gaara is totally giving him the cold shoulder
> 
> Different POV in the next couple of chapters


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Gaara's POV

What's wrong with that boy? He doesn't stop talking to me even though I ignore him. Maybe I should just stay in my room this time, and hope he will stop being so interested in me. I was so used to people ignoring me after they had spend some time with me, realizing I wouldn't talk to them. So why didn't he stop.

I sat down on my bed and took out my sketchbook and a pencil. I began drawing a face. I got lost in the drawing, waking up when my stomach growled. I suddenly noticed what I had drawn. It was a slim face with short spiky hair, big round eyes and three lines on each cheek. This was..

I leaned back, knocking my head against the wall repeatedly. Why. This was Naruto's face I had drawn. There must be something wrong with me. Food! I need food, so I can think properly and find out what was wrong with me.

I got up and opened my door. It was after midnight and everybody had gone to bed long ago. I liked it like this. The silence and the feeling that I'm all alone. I walked towards the kitchen, beginning to feel tired, but I knew I wouldn't fall asleep now even if I tried. I got into the kitchen, beginning to cook something. I rummaged through the fridge, looking for anything that could be used.

Naruto's POV

I rubbed my eyes, closing them for a while and opening them again. I was so tired. I looked at the clock on my nightstand and saw it was almost morning. Fuck I had read all night again. I put a piece of paper in my book, so I could continue reading tomorrow, and turned off the light.

I tried to fall asleep, but I was so thirsty. After some time, I realized I couldn't fall asleep, and turned on the light again. I had to blink a couple of times, being almost blinded by the annoyingly sharp light. I cursed out loud, when I got out of bed and realized just how cold it was. I tiptoed out of my room and into the kitchen. There I almost jumped by surprise. In the dark I saw someone sitting by the table. I slowly inched closer. My eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness, and I saw it was.. it was Gaara. I almost jumped with excitement. I half ran towards him, sitting on the chair in front of his.

"Hey Gaara, what are you doing here so late at night?" I whispered. He just looked at me expressionless and pointed down. I looked and saw a plate with food.

"Oh.." I said, sounding rather stupid. God! Come on.. I have to get him to talk. What should I say, what should I say? I kept repeating that line inside my head.

"You don't have to say anything" a deep, almost coarse voice said. I looked around, surprised before I noticed it had come form Gaara. Oh my God. I had said that out loud. I felt like giving myself a face palm, how stupid could I be.

"Why didn't you eat with the rest of us?" I asked curious. "I didn't feel like it" came the reply. My smile got wider and wider, and I tried hard to dampen it, trying not to look like a lunatic. He had actually replied. Finally!

"It's pretty late, aren't you tired?" I asked, curious. I had finally got him to talk, I had to take advances of that fully. Maybe he was just sleepy and that's why he answered. I looked at him expectantly. After some time Gaara looked up at me

"Yes I am, but I can't sleep" Maybe he got tired of me starring at him, and thought it was better to reply to my question, I don't know I'm just happy he did.

"I know, It's so irritating, when your body feel tired, but somehow your mind can't calm down enough to sleep" I say smiling. He looked at me as if what I said was strange. He continued eating, ignoring me like usually. It shouldn't surprise me that the conversation just ended like that, since he usually ignored me. It didn't bother me that much. I got him to say two sentences so far, so if I just continued talking to him, I'm sure I can get him to open up. I continued sitting there talking excitedly to him about the book I was reading right now, just to fill the silence. A couple of minutes later he just got up, put his things away and just went back. I grinned. I had won this one, so it was only a matter of time.

Gaara's POV

I had replied to him. I had actually had a conversation with Naruto. I just gave up, he would probably continue talking to me till I talked back. It was going to happen sooner or later. I just got irritated by him sitting there staring at me, I just.. I don't know. Before I knew what happened I had answered him. I shouldn't have, because that only encouraged him to continue to talk to me. He just couldn't shut up afterwards, going on and on about some book. I just zoned out, trying to forget he was there. I can't believe he got me to answer. But… Talking to him was actually kind of nice. I froze. Had I actually just thought that? It was nice to talk to him. There must be something wrong with me. Definitely something wrong. Maybe I should keep some distance from him for some time. Yeah. I'll do that. I would go back to normal after being away from him for some time. This was only a once in a lifetime thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww.. Gaara is soo confused and is beginning to melt slowly


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Naruto's POV

I got into the kitchen and began helping the two girls with setting the table.

"So Naruto.. Have you settled in nicely?" The long haired blonde asked.

"Yeah" I said, smiling my trademark smile. I began talking some more with both of them while getting plates and forks and so on. I still had some problem remembering names, but I know the shy one is named Hinata. I have talked to her today while waiting on the bus. Both girls seemed pretty nice, but I couldn't stop looking around for Gaara, but I didn't see him.

We all sat down and began eating. I sat at the end again, deciding that this should be my seat. Sai, of course, sat down beside me, like always. He didn't say anything today. It wasn't so unusual. For the most part he kept quiet, but sometimes he was just unbelievably irritating, saying things that just irked me. It was only sometimes he would talk and that usually didn't mean a good thing. He really was a bastard. I still haven't heard him say something nice. I scowled at him, but he just smiled. Freak!

I looked at Gaara's place. He wasn't here. Maybe he would come at night like yesterday. I really hoped so. Hmm… maybe I should make a portion for him and save it for tonight. I smiled for myself. I'm sure he will be happy. I quickly ate my food, grapping a new plate and put some food on it. I put some aluminum foil over and put it into the fridge.

I said goodbye to the others before I quickly got back into my room, and continued reading my book. I just couldn't wait for it to be night. After some time, I got up. I'm sure all the others have finished and have gone back. I don't know when he would come, so I guess it's best to go to the kitchen in good time. I grabbed my book and went to the kitchen. He wasn't here now, but it had been pretty late last night, so maybe he would be here in a couple of hours. I sat down on the ground in the corner of the kitchen. I don't know why, but I liked sitting in corners. Maybe it was because then I couldn't be surprised but people coming from my blind spots. I opened the book and began reading.

Gaara's POV

My stomach growled, signaling that I should get going. I put down my sketchbook and went to the kitchen. It had been better today. I hadn't draw more than one character looking like Naruto. I'm sure it helps being away from him. That way he can't affect me.

I got into the dark kitchen, and headed for the fridge. I didn't bother turning on the light, so I was almost blinded when the light from the open door momentarily blinded me. I looked around, moving stuff, trying to find something to eat.

"I left a plate with food for you. It's on a plate with aluminum foil over" I almost jumped. I hadn't realized there was someone else in here. Naruto suddenly popped up out of nowhere.

"It's right here" He said, grapping a plate and putting it on the counter. He smiled, while looking at me expectantly. It almost seemed like a dog, knowing it had done what it had been told, and now waited for its reward. I just stared at him expressionless, taking the plate and beginning to heat it up. What happened to I need to avoid him? The microwave beeped and I took out my food sitting down. Unfortunately Naruto did the same.

"When I didn't saw you at dinner I thought that maybe you've be here tonight, so I saved some food for you" He practically beamed at me. I don't understand why he can be so happy all the time. I sighed. I'm sure he won't leave me alone tonight either.

"You didn't answer my question before" He pouted, as if I was in the wrong. He was the one bothering me, when I clearly didn't want to talk to anyone.

"Come on" He whined. I sighed again.

"What question?" He immediately lightened up.

"What do you study and where?"

"I self study". He laughed.

"You always give really short answers" He kept staring at me, smilingly.

"I study art at home over the internet. I don't like being around others, so it's most comfortable that way" I told him, hoping he would understand the hidden meaning behind those words. The I-don't-like-being-around-other-people-part. His smiled widened if it was possible.

"I knew you could!" I sighed again. Apparently not. He kept pestering me for the rest of "dinner", and managing to get some responses from me. How… I don't know, but somehow he just did.

"Why are you doing this?" He looked a little shocked by my question, before he smiled like always.

"You remind me of someone I really like! So I just can't leave you alone." What kind of answer was that? I reminded him of someone. What kind of reason is that to bother someone, because I remind him of some other person?

"Is there something wrong?" He looked at me concerned.

"You look… kind of angry". Angry? Was I angry? I hadn't notice… and why would I be angry anyway. It was probably because he kept annoying me. I got up and left. He could deal with cleaning up, after all it was him who had made it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Naruto is trying everything he can to get Gaara's attention.  
> Gaara's is jealous even though he doesn't know it.


	5. chapter 5

Chapter 5

Gaara's POV

This continued for almost a week. Every time I went to the kitchen late at night, to get something to eat, Naruto would already be there. He always sat in the corner with a book. For the most of the times I would always scare him, since he was so absorbed in his books. I don't know why he keeps doing it. I can't understand what he gets out of talking to me. I just don't understand him. But the worst part is... I actually am starting to like him being there when I eat.

I looked down at my drawing. It didn't surprise me anymore that the drawing some resembled Naruto. It had happened so often lately. I had gotten quite good at capturing his features, but that just left me with an uncountable number of drawings of the same person. I looked at the clock realizing it was almost 6. Maybe I should try to eat with the others for a change. I caught myself thinking that then I would see him sooner.

I went towards the kitchen, just standing in the door, looking. I watched Naruto making food and setting the table with the others. I frowned. There was something off about this. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something seemed wrong or maybe.. weird. I couldn't figure it out, so I just shrugged and made my way to the table, sitting down.

"Oh look! The holier-than-thou has graced us with his present" Sai said, smiling at me before sitting down too. I growled at him, but didn't say anything.

"Gaara!" A familiar voice yelled and soon Naruto almost jumped onto his chair smiling at me.

"What are you doing here?" He asked seeming a little confused.

"I'm having dinner" I told him indifferently. He either didn't notice my tone or maybe he was just used to it.. either way he continued smiling at me.

"I can see that, but you usually eat later, when the rest of us have already eaten".

"Sometimes I do, sometimes I doesn't" I said, fulfilling my mystery guy role.

"Wow. Look at that!" Sai said taunting, looking at me. "He can talk after all". Naruto looked at him, seemingly angry. I don't see why he should be angry. It hasn't got anything to do with him. I just continued eating, ignoring him like I always do.

"This must be your doing, Naruto." At his name I looked up. Sai had put his arm around Naruto's shoulder, pulling him a little towards him. Naruto looked.. frightened? No that couldn't be. Why should he be frightened? I continued to study him. He sat complete still, starring right out into nothing. Then he slowly began twisting. I watched him trying to dislodge Sai's arm around him, trying to get away. Sai let him go, laughing. He looked at me, mockingly, and winked.

I hated him. I looked at Naruto again and noticed his hands trembling slightly when he reached for his glass. I looked at him and our eyes met. I froze. I was just about to ask him if something was wrong, when he got up and slowly walked out of the kitchen. I couldn't stop thinking about that look he had before he walked away. That mixed look of total panic and fright. I felt weird. I wanted to hurry after him and replace that look with his usual smile. Could this be..worry? Did I actually worry about him? I shook my head. That couldn't be. No, it must be something else. I continued eating my food, casting glances towards the door. I definitely wasn't worried about someone I just met. I shook my head again, trying to will these thoughts away. I had to stop thinking about it. After dinner I walked back to my room, walking past naruto's. I walked over to it, lifting my hand as if to knock. A noise from the other side of the door startled me, and I quickly caught myself and rushed back to my own room. I tried hiding from all these weird feelings, in my bed, burying myself under the duvet. Maybe in the same way it muffled the sounds from the outside world, like my clock ticking or the soft chatter of people outside of his room, it could mute my confusing feelings. I wasn't worried about him. Not one bit, i tired telling myself, but not that convincingly. The duvet didn't help.

Naruto's POV

I ran into my room, closing the door. I learned on it, slowly sliding down, until I was sitting on the floor. I just sat there, arms tightly grabbing around my legs, slightly rocking back and fort. That was close. Too close. I tightened my hold, trying to ignore that my arms were still trembling slightly. I was so close to screaming, yelling, hitting, to just do something. Anything. Just to get Sai to let me go. I had almost caused a ruckus, and then everybody would have noticed it. They would all see how much of a freak I am.

I began humming the same song, I always hum, when I get like this. After some time I calmed down. I continued sitting were i sat, feeling the cool door against my back. I relaxed my arms, and leaned my head against the door. I realized I had just run away in the middle of dinner. What should I do now? There would definitely be some questions. I had just left my half eaten food and everything on the table before I ran away. Even if Sai and Gaara wouldn't comment on it, some of the others probably would.

Gaara.. My head gently hits my knees. What should I do? Gaara might think I'm weird now, if he didn't already. But then again, he probably already did. I remembered looking into Gaara's eyes. There was something different in them, like another person looking back at me. If it was someone else, I would have thought it to be worry in those eyes, but Gaara doesn't like me. I have just gotten him to talk back to me. He never takes the initiative, he just replies. I guess I have just annoyed him so much, that he eventually realized I wouldn't go before he replied. I smiled fondly. Someday, I will get him to open up to me. I just know it. I just have to keep annoying him. I began to laugh softly. No one could ever get away from Naruto Uzumaki. I almost felt like following it up with an Muahahaha evil type laugh, but that would probably be a bit too excessive (and weird), seeing as the doors really aren't that thick. A little sound escaped my mouth, i held in my evil laugh, and just smiled to myself, thinking of how to get Garaa to love me...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some guesses as to what kind of problems Naruto is having? It will all be explained as the story goes on, hehe *smug look*


	6. chapter 6

Chapter 6

Gaara's POV

I'm lying in my bed, trying to sleep. And to my Surprise I can't sleep. Again. I has become a bit of a habit. I grabbed my sketchbook, which is always lying on my nightstand. Maybe I should just try to draw instead. Maybe I should just try to draw Sai and then burn it. I snickered. That would teach him. And he was all over Naruto at dinner. I clenched my fists. I should have punched him or something. I pondered over the thought. Why? He hasn't done anything unusual. I am used to the comments he gives me every time I am sitting out there. It didn't bother me before, why should it now? I don't like him, so why should he like me? He can say whatever he wants to say, I don't care. I don't care about anyone, I said, trying to convince myself. I definitely don't care about Naruto. I don't want to know why he looked like that, or why he just ran away. I don't care if he talks to me or just leaves me alone. I looked fumingly at the drawing, which had ended up being another Naruto-looking character, trying to burn holes in it with my eyes. I don't care, and it could just try to say otherwise. I threw my sketchbook on the floor.

I opened my eyes, noticing the light fighting to get into my room. I had a thick curtain hanging, which shouldn't let any light in, but some of it had anyway.

It was morning already. I guess I fell asleep last night, huh. Or maybe this morning was more accurate. Luckily I didn't have to be on time for classes, since I had self study. That was the best choice for me since I had the discipline and hated being around all those people every day. I got up slowly, changing into my normal clothing. I looked at the clock, it was around the time where anyone was having classes, so I had the kitchen to myself.

Naruto's POV

I woke up to late again today. I don't know what to do about this. I sighed… maybe I should just stop going to bed so late. I snorted. Yeah, like that's gonna happen. I quickly got ready, running out of the door towards the bus stop.

After going there so many times, I now know when to get off, so I can sleep for a little while. When we arrived, I hurried into my class, trying to concentrate on the lesson. It was really hard after yesterday. I couldn't stop thinking about if someone would say something about it tonight. Maybe I should just do like Gaara, and wait for everyone to go to bed. I groaned. That probably wasn't a good idea, then everyone was sure to notice. I just had to act like nothing had happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of short, but next chapter is going to be long and mainly focused on Gaara ^.^


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaara is soo confused, and doesn't know his own feelings. Now it's Naruto's mission to get him to noticed what he feels.

Chapter 7

Gaara's POV

I walked towards the kitchen, standing in the doorway like last time. I don't understand why I'm here again. I have never eaten with the others three days in a row before, but somehow I found myself here again. I watched them move around, happily talking and laughing. Naruto looked in my direction and a wide smile adorned his face. He waved vigorously at me. I felt a strange sensation in my stomach. I might be hungrier than I thought.

I watched as Naruto went back to setting the table. I noticed this odd thing again. Something I couldn't exactly put my finger on. I watched everything more carefully. And then I noticed it. Every time someone came close to Naruto, he would take a step to the opposite side. It was such a small thing, so I hadn't noticed it at first, but now that I had, it couldn't focus on anything else. He did it every single time. And whenever someone reached out for something he held, he would flinch if they touched his hands.

My eyes narrowed suspiciously. So that's why he behaved so strange yesterday. I continued staring at him, seeing how he naturally moved around everybody. It seemed almost graceful. And it definitely wasn't something new. It seemed like it had been incorporated into him a long time ago, or it would have been much more noticeable. I was as if it was a part of him, hiding just beneath the surface. And if you looked, really looked, you could skim the seams, holding him together.

I slowly moved to my seat, sitting in front of him. He looked up and flinched slightly. I looked away, beginning to eat.

"Is there something wrong?" Naruto asked softly.

"Why?" I said, noticing the slightly hard tone.

"You just look.. uhm.. You were just staring intensely at me" Naruto looked a little confused or worried. "I just wanted to know if I had done anything wrong." Intense. Hmm. I wasn't staring at him. I was just… studying him. Trying to figure out more about this.. new side of him. Why didn't he like physical contact? Had anything happened to him, to not make him like it?

I looked at him again, noticing him staring expectantly at me. I stared back. What was his problem? Why was he openly staring at me? He waved a hand before my eyes.

"Hello, anybody home?" He looked at me playfully.

"What are you doing? I asked flatly.

"I asked you a question, and you didn't answer me" That's right he asked me something. But what should I say? I looked down and continued eating. The best answer to something like this, was to simply ignore them. I was almost done, when I heard I soft whimper. I looked up. Sai had placed his arm around Naruto again and was talking to him in a low voice. Naruto looked down at his plate, completely frozen.

Before I knew what happened, I was behind Sai, grabbing his arm, twisting it back.

"Don't touch him" I said in a low voice. Sai looked at me. We were both staring confused at each other. Sai, because no one had done something like this to him before, and I always ignored him. Me. I was confused of why I had done this. Why am I holding his arm back, feeling angry?

I quickly released his arm, as if I had burned myself on it. I turned around, taking my plate and putting it away before I went back to my room. I shut the door, sat on my bed, gripped my head with both hands and rested my elbows on my knees. What's wrong with me? I shouted inside my head. What's happening to me? There must be something wrong… I've never acted like this before. I closed my eyes, trying to gain control over all these feelings that just were all over the place. They overwhelmed me, flushing over me, like a wave, and I couldn't breathe. It felt like the walls of the room were closing in on me, and I was suffocating while the feeling of something sitting on my ribcage filled me with fear.

It is all Naruto's fault. I don't know why or how. But it is. After calming myself with several deep breaths I slowly stood up, and went to Naruto's room. I knocked, but nothing happened. I knocked again, growing angrier by the second. Why wasn't he there when I had to talk to him? This is his fault, he need to fix this.

"What are you doing here" I heard a familiar voice ask behind me. I turned around, and Naruto stood there looking confused.

"We need to talk" I almost hissed out. How could he make my cold expressionless demeanor disappear? He looked at me a bit frightened.

"O-okay". He opened the door and held it for me to go in.

"What can I do for you, Gaara?" He asked me still confused.

"Fix this!" I said a bit too loud. "It's your fault, so you have to fix it." Naruto just looked at me even more confused.

"What are you talking about.. What have I done?" I narrowed my eyes, looking threatening at him. So he planned to play confused. I walked closer to him, seeing him back up against the wall.

"You know very well what you have done" I said accusatory. He shook his head violently, looking desperately at me.

" I-I really d-don't know" His body began trembling slightly. I noticed I had pressed him up against the wall, leaning very close. I growled at him, wanting an answer. He began trembling worse than before, his breath hitched. I gave him a bit of space, something in that look put out my anger. I looked at him trying to breathe normally. Now that my rage was gone, I just felt empty. Finally! I had returned to normal.

I turned around, headed towards the door. I didn't reach it, before I felt something pulling on my arm. I looked down seeing Naruto half lying on the ground, one arm latched onto my sleeve, still having trouble breathing. I just looked down at him, uninterested. I was back to normal again, so I didn't need to be here anymore.

"Why.." He took a deep breath. "Why did you do that earlier?" I looked at him, feeling a little confused.

"As I said before, I wanted you to fix this mess you made" Did he really want to take it that far. He couldn't play innocent forever.

"No. Not that" Another deep breath. "What you did to Sai…Why did you do that?" I pulled back quickly, making him fall on his face. I don't know that myself. That's the problem.

"You made me do that" Some of my anger coming back to me. Naruto's eyes widened and his mouth was gaping.

"Wha..What are you talking about?" If he wanted to play ignorant, then I could play along as well.

"You made me feel and do these strange things! When I draw, I draw people looking like you. When I'm not with you, I think about you. I have been going more often to the kitchen, when others were there, and I have conversations with you. I even wanted to know more about you, when I noticed you were afraid of physical contact. And that thing I did to Sai.. That was also your fault!" Naruto looked at me, still gaping, and wide eyed. I turned around and opened the door, this haven't worked out the way I had planned it to. He was supposed to know what I was talking about, apologizing and then fixing this. I got into my room, slamming the door. I got into bed, pulling the pillow over my head, trying to forget today had ever happened.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Naruto's POV

I shook my head trying to get out of the shock I was in. I was still sitting here staring at the door Gaara went out of, for God knows how long ago. I was still trying to wrap my head around the things Gaara told me, or rather accused me for. I just don't understand.. One moment he acts all cold towards me, doesn't really talk all that much, and the next he yells at me for doing something against him.

Even though he explained it to me, if you could call it that, I still don't know what he thinks I did. To think of someone and want to have conversations with them. Isn't that normal? I just can't see what he is trying to tell me. I sat on my bed, closing my eyes.

He was so close to me, trapping me, so I couldn't get away. That had been pretty close. He knows I can't stand physical contact. I sighed. He must think I'm a freak now.. That's probably why he did those things.. If he knew I didn't like those things he shouldn't do something like that. The only solution on this must be that he hates me. Why else would he make me uncomfortable, yell at me and accuse me of things.

I huddled under my covers and hid my head under the pillow. I am done with this. I don't understand what's going on and I'm tired. I have been touched too much today and on top of that, Gaara hates me.

Gaara's POV

I threw the pillow through my room. Was some sleep really too much to ask for? I sighed. The memory of Naruto staring at me with fear in his eyes, still hadn't left my mind. I really thought that he would just fix this, but apparently I'm still affected.

I don't want to talk to him again. Something went wrong before and I can't risk getting more affected than I already am. So it's back to the other plan. Avoid him at all cost. It had begun to help the last time I tried it, right until I had met him in the kitchen.

Naruto's POV

My alarm clock decided to wake me up, but I wasn't having any of that. I grabbed it and threw it against the wall, smiling when I heard the sound of something breaking. I relaxed into the bed and tried to get some more sleep. I had practically been up all night thinking. That didn't mean I had come any closer to an answer. I sighed. Why couldn't Gaara just explain things so you could understand? I yawned, and snuggled further down under my covers.

\- later that day-

I woke up by the loud noise of my stomach growling. I guess some part of my body doesn't want anymore sleep. I struggled to get out of my warm bed and headed towards the kitchen. There wasn't anyone here right now, since everyone had classes now, me included. Wups.  
I got into the kitchen and noticed a guy sitting there. I frowned. His name started with S.. something.. I'm pretty sure it was a long name.. maybe.

"Hey, good morning" I said, hoping to remember his name soon.

"Hey" He said.

"Why aren't you in class right now" Maybe he wanted a day off like me.

"I self-study so I don't have to attend classes" That's right. He's the genius guy, Kiba has talked so much about. Suddenly it hit me.

"Could you help me with something? Kiba said you're a genius?" He slowly moved to look at me and sighed loudly-

"What do you need help with?" I grinned. Hopefully this genius could figure out what Gaara had meant, and then I can figure out what to do about it.

"Uhmm. It's because there is this guy who said something to me, and I can't figure out what he meant.." I said hesitantly. I really, really hoped he could help me. He mumbled something that could sound like troublesome.

"What did he say?" The guy asked.

"He was really angry at me and yelled and such. He said that I made him do strange things. He said that I made him drew pictures with people that looked like me and that I made him think of me. He also said that he wanted to have conversations with me and know stuff about me…" I looked at the floor. I didn't dare to look at him and know he couldn't help or that he though I was weird for having this problem. I head another sigh.

"It's pretty obvious, don't you think?" He said. Obvious?! I snorted. If it was, I probably wouldn't be out here, asking for his advice.

"Not for me" I tried to sound relaxed and polite. Was he calling me stupid or something?

"He likes you, that's why he acts like that" The boy used his arms as a pillow and rested his head on them, while breathing slowly and even. It sat still in disbelief. What!.. How could he just say something like that and then go to sleep.

"What do you mean?" My voice sounded a little angrier than I had meant it to, but it was a little frustrating with him knowing the answer, and not explaining thoroughly it to me.

"Alright let me explain this to you, so you can understand" My eyebrow twitched. So he was calling me stupid. This is why I hate clever people.

"Think of a person you want to be friends with" I nodded to signal I was doing that. In my head I pictured Gaara, even though I'm not so sure we're going to be friends anymore.

"Do you think about this person a lot? Do you act differently towards this person than others? Do you want to know more about this person? Do you want to talk to this person?" I had nodded to every question.

"Then can't you see I'm right?" He looked at me, like he was amazed I hadn't realized it all yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shikamaru to the rescue.. A person like him is always going to become handy sooner or later


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Naruto's POV

I frown. Is he saying what I think he is saying? Gaara likes me. He wants to be friends with me.

That couldn't be. He is always so cold towards me. I went through all our encounters in my head. I remembered the look in his eyes a while ago. I had disregarded the thought that it was concern at that time, but maybe I had been right? If Shiii.. something is right. If Gaara really likes me, then maybe he really had been worried about me.

It just seems unreal. The Gaara that hates everybody, likes me. I smiled and a warm tingling feeling formes in the pit of my stomach. I did it. I finally succeeded in making him my friend. I felt like jumping around or high-five myself. Now I just had to make Gaara realize it too. I still don't completely understand why he did all those things, but now I'm ready to fight again, and I'll definitely make him talk.

I suddenly remember that Gaara doesn't have class. That would mean he is in his room now and we're practically all alone. I smile mischievously while I ran to his room.

Gaara's POV

I heard a knock on my door, but ignored it. There isn't anyone who in their right mind would knock, except..

I sigh. I hope it isn't Naruto out there. I'm avoiding him, why can't he just let me be.

"Gaara, Gaara, are you in there?" I heard a familiar voice yell, while knocking even louder. I sat completely still, hoping he would leave after some time.

"Gaaaaara. I know you're in there. You don't really leave your room, so you have to be in there" I growled. What's wrong with him? Doesn't he know when to give up?

"Gaara, Gaara, come on. Let me in. Gaara. You have to let me in" He just kept going, but he has to get tired of it sometime.

Naruto's POV

I was beginning to get a little irritated. I finally find out that he likes me and then he begins ignoring me. What should I say to make him open the door? I smile when I realized I knew precisely what to say.

"Gaara. I'll help you fix you're problem. You just have to let me in" I snicker. He definitely will open now and I was right. Soon after I heard the sound of someone stumbling to get up quickly and the door opened. He held it and allowed me to get in.

"Alright. Fix me" He said in a monotone voice. I looked into the carpet. I was a little worried about how he would react about all this.

"I don't actually know how to fix this. It isn't something that needs to be fixed. It's normal, I feel like that too, you know" I said softly.

Silence fills the room and I slowly lift my head to look at him. I sigh. As If I can figure out what he is feeling by looking at him. He looks as expressionless as before.

"The thing you are feeling. It's friendship" I tried lamely.

"Wanting to be together, to know more about someone, thinking about them" I said slowly trying to make them sink in. "Protecting someone" I just remembered that he was also angry about that. "All those things are normal for friends"

"So" Gaara said in a low lifeless tone. "You're saying that I" He points towards himself "have feelings for you" He points at me.

"Yeah, you want to be my friend" I smile at him. I just hope he understands and that we can be friends immediately.

"Friends" Gaara's growl makes me flinch a bit. "I don't do friends. I like being on my own. I hate it when you always annoy me" I frown. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but he could at least try to accept this.

"You do like me, even though I annoy you. You like being together with me, and I like being together with you. Therefore we should just hang out together and talk and such" I smiled brightly at him, but my smile falters when he glares at me.

"Then explain to me why you have felt all those things, if it isn't because you like me" I sat down on his bed. This was probably going to be a very long conversation. And people say I'm thick.

After I had explained everything to him again and again, he ended up throwing me out. I pout. How can he throw me out when I'm talking about friendship?

Gaara's POV

Frienship. I frown. I don't want friends. Humans are all just egoistic, manipulative and weak. I don't want to be dragged into all their superficial feelings and pretenses. Love and such things are an illusion and they all dumbly believe in it.

I like you.

Naruto's voice rings in my head. Like me. How can he say that? He doesn't know anything about me. He is trying to manipulate me to do something, to get something from me. He has too, why else would he do all these things?


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Gaara's POV

I couldn't get his words out of head. I have gone through his arguments over and over again. I just can't accept that explanation, even though I can't seem to find another. I ferociously shake my head. No! It can't be right.

Friendship just doesn't exist. No matter who, everybody will fuck you over when they get the chance. That is how life works, use people instead of being used. Everybody is just selfish. If they think they can get anything out of using you they will without remorse.

Feelings for other people are just an expression. It isn't real. People become friends because the other person has something to offer them, help in classes, money, a higher place in the hierarchy or just because they are bored. People act in their self interest and all they do, is a benefit to themselves. They think they love or need each other. It's only because staying together has become a habit, and they can't adapt to being without is a hypocrite. They talk to you and say they care and want to help. They don't. They just want to seem better. They think helping others make them better humans.

I scowl. I can't trust him. He is just as bad as the rest of them. But... would he really waste all that time everyday, to try and get me talk to him, just so he could use me? Images of Naruto beaming at me, smiling his genuine smile, laughing, talking nonsense nonstop, of him scared and confused. Somehow I just can't see the ill-intention in him or his actions.

He just seems so bright and so expressive. He is the opposite of me. I can always see what he is feeling, just by looking at him. It's all there, in his eyes, his face and his body language. I try to imagine him mocking me, using me. Things he should be capable of, but I just can't. I just don't understand anything. These bonds he is talking about, I have never experienced them. I have never believed in them, but maybe, just maybe, they might be real. I sat down and began drawing. I don't want to think about this anymore.

Naruto's POV

I scowl at the closed door. Why did he have to be like that? But that's kind of what I like about him. He reminds me of Seth. I quivered with delight. I had always wanted to befriend a person like Seth. And I won't let Gaara ruin that. I have decided to let him get some time to think about everything I had said and then I will continue annoying him again afterwards. I went back into my room and began on my homework.

..

I look at the clock. Gaara should be here by now. It's 2 am and I'm beginning to get a bit bored. I had eaten with the others, and went back to my room. After some time I just couldn't help myself. I just wanted to see Gaara again, even though I wanted him to have some time to himself. Now I'm sitting here in the corner like always and waiting and I hear the sound of the door opening.

"Hey Gaara" I whisper. I quickly ran to the fridge and found the food I had set aside. He just sat down like before and waited for me to come with the food after I had reheated it.

"So have you thought about what I said?" I look into the table. I was really nervous about this.

"I have" My eyes widened in surprise and I look at him.

"So you found out I'm right?"

"I'm not sure about this." I sigh. I had really hoped he had just said yes

"I want to understand this, so we can continue as before" He said a little unsure. I smiled.

"So you wanna be my friend"

"I didn't say I want to be friends with you, just that I want to understand all this" He was back to his monotone voice again. I didn't care. That was a 'I-wanna-be-your-friend' in Gaara-language.

Gaara's POV

For a while everything was like before. He would come see me in the night and he would talk and talk and talk. I would sometimes give small replies to him while eating. Nothing much had changed except one small, teeni-tiny thing.

The realization that I liked him. That I liked another person. Some annoying blonde who was always pestering me. I sighed. Alright it wasn't that small of a thing. It was huge. It felt huge. It was something I had never thought I would experience.

I still don't know much about these bonds, but he was always talking about them. I think that we are friends now. Unfortunately I like having him around. He just has such a bubbling personality and such vivid expressions. Sometimes I catch myself getting lost in looking at them all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well. Gaara is finally beginning to soften up :3


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Naruto's POV

It was in the middle of the night and we were sitting at the kitchen table like always. I was happy that Gaara was beginning to talk a little about himself. Normally it was just me talking about all kinds of things and him answering with almost one syllable words.

"So what are you studying?" I had been curious about this since I met him, but he didn't want to tell me yet.

"Art"

"How cool" I almost yell, before I remembered it's late at night.

"So do you draw or sculpt or what?" I ask curious.

"I draw or paint" Gaara said disinterested, poking at his food.

"Can I see, oh pretty please. I really, really want to see" I was squirming in my seat. This could mean I could see a more expressive side of him, and I was looking forward to what kind it would be.

"I have some in my room, maybe I can bring them next time" I smile, getting an idea.

"Can't we go to your room after you have eaten?" I cross my fingers under the table, hoping he would say yes. After a nerve-wracking long silence I finally hear a small

"Alright" While waiting for Gaara to finish eating, my whole body is trembling in anticipation and delight. He actually allowed me to come to his room.

Gaara's POV

I'm not sure why I said yes to him, but I don't think I can just withdraw the offer. Not when we're talking about Naruto. He would annoy me even more until I gave in.

I'm slowly walking towards my room, while Naruto is jumped up and down beside me. I can't understand why he is so happy. I didn't know he liked art that much. I locked myself in and made room for Naruto too, before I close the door again. He sat down on my bed and I began finding a few of the drawings that Naruto isn't in. Somehow it feels a bit embarrassing to show him those.

I place the stack of drawings in his lap and went to sit down on my office chair. I watch his face as it lit up in amazement. He is just so pure somehow. He seems genuine happy and impressed over the drawings. I get a warm feeling inside me. It feels weird, but somehow I don't want it to disappear.

"They are amazing. You really seem to have a gift for this" Naruto looked at me with wide eyes and a big smile. I feel a little tug at the side of my mouth, but quickly get control over my face again.

"Thanks" I say in my normal monotone voice.

"It's really funny. You two are just so alike, even the fact that you are both amazing at drawing. I'm so happy" I hear Naruto say softly to himself. The warm feeling suddenly disappeared. I suddenly remembered he said something similar a long time ago. It was something about how I reminded him of someone he liked. He had told m,e that was the reason he started talking to me.

"Now you have seen them, so just go back again". I didn't want him here anymore. Naruto looked at me confused.

"But I want to stay here a bit longer. I like hanging out with you. Can't I stay just for half an hour or so?" I tried to look away from those eyes and say no, but I ended up nodding instead.

Naruto's POV

I looked at the drawings again. They were a bit more macabre than what I have usually seen, but I wasn't disgusted like I should have been. Instead I was mesmerized. The people were delicate and full of sorrow. It was heartbreaking to look at them. Some had lost limbs, some was part doll and others were covered in blood.

I couldn't decide what gender they were, since they all had some androgyny look. Part girl, part boy. I found out I really liked this style. Gaara had let me stay here for half an hour, but I honestly don't know what to do in that time. Should I talk to him like always, look at some more drawings or something else.

It felt special to sit here, in his room. I'm pretty sure there hasn't been anyone in here beside me. I felt a tingly warm feeling fill me. I was somehow special to him. I hadn't been that to anyone before. What to do, what to do?

"What.. uhm.. what kind of things inspires your art?" Even to me that sentence sounded lame. Gaara wasn't looking at me anymore. I don't know if I had said anything to offend him or anything, or if he was just being his usual cold self.

"I don't know if there is anything that inspires me. I just find things like that beautiful" Gaara said slowly, like he wasn't sure what to say precisely.

"Could I see you draw sometime. I like to see how each people draw, they all have different techniques?" He seems to think for a bit before he nods.

"So take some paper and a pencil with you tomorrow when you come to eat, then you can draw afterwards… or do you prefer to do it in here?" I knew how pushy I sounded, but I just really wanted to see it.

"I don't care, if you really like I can bring some tomorrow" I smiled at him, glad that lately he seems to be more comfortable around me.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Naruto's POV

I was walking towards the kitchen. Or skipping towards it might be a better word. The thought about seeing Gaara draw and maybe getting him to open up just a tiny bit more was getting me ecstatic.

I was in such a hurry I didn't see the person, before I smacked directly into him. I ended up on the floor with books all around me. I winced, that had hurt a lot.

"Sorry, I didn't see you there" I began apologizing as I started picking up the books.

"Of course you didn't" came a mockingly reply. I groaned, of course it's Sai. Why did I have to bump into him. I looked at the books. It was probably about how to irritate most people or such things.

How to make friends was the title on the book on top of my pile. I blinked for a couple of times, but the title didn't change. I looked at the one under it. Male bonding. What.. I looked at the last one Communication skills. Somehow it felt out of place for Sai to be walking around with these books. I gave them back to him

"Are these yours?" Maybe he had stolen them.

"Yeah, they are mine, fox boy". My eye twitched.

"Why.." I don't even know what to ask about. This just seems weird.

"Why they are mine. That's a pretty stupid question. I bought them of cause" He gave me that weird smile, I have gotten to hate.

"I meant why did you buy them?"

"Another stupid question, I bought them to read, maybe you should be called stupid instead" He still smiled and I began to loose my patient. I took a deep breath.

"Why do you wanna read those?" I don't know why I ask, it just seems strange to me.

"Because I wanna be friends with you and the others". I stared at him and pinched my arm. Aw, I winced. Yup, it's not a dream. Sai wants to be my friend. The Sai. The one who just called me stupid. The one who is weird and should be avoided.

"Maybe you should try being nice" I said. I still couldn't believe this was really happening. ¨

"I'm not?" Sai asked confused. I snorted. Yeah right.

"Not entirely…" I tried to put it nicely.

"What did I do wrong? I have tried to do as the books said I should" I sighed. This was going to take some time.

"Firstly, you shouldn't ask people 'how big they are' as the first thing and stop calling me fox boy. It's annoying" I stated. I didn't like being reminded of my scars. They didn't bring good memories with them. Sai looks at me confused again.

"But the books said that it's normal for males to compare themselves to others and another book said that if you call a person by a nickname you'll feel closer to them.

I looked at him dumbfounded. What kind of books was he reading? Not the right ones apparently. I remembered another reason why I hated him.

"Why are you after Gaara all the time? I'm sure people don't like you since you insult them all the time." I said irritated.

"But isn't that what you should do?" Sai asked.

"Did you read that somewhere too?" I asked baffled. Sai nodded. He seriously needed to get some other books or maybe just not use them. How could they recommend him to insult other people to get friends? Sai opened a book and showed me a page. I took the book and began reading.

Insulting.

This is another aspect of male bonding. It is important to know that there is a difference in how you speak to your male friends and other males. Women reinforce social bonds by complimenting each other, whereas men socialize by insulting each other. This means that you speak polite to other males, but if you are friends you insult them. The closer you are the more hurtful and personal things you can say. Male friends show friendship and deep intimacy by doing these things. You will never insult a stranger, since that would be provocative and could end in fights. But male friends can easily call each other degrading names, because they both know it is said in fun and they don't really mean it. If you're able to get drunk together, get into a fist fight, beat the living shit out of each other because you couldn't agree on something and still be able to hang out together the next day like nothing happened, then you're real friends.

I stared dumbfounded at the page.

"Gaara is always alone. I just wanted to include him. I thought that we could be friends since it didn't seem like the others liked me all that much and Gaara and me seem more alike."

I sighed. I knew I would regret this, but I couldn't just ignore Sai after hearing this.

"Would you maybe go with me to the kitchen and hang out with me and Gaara?"


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Naruto's POV

"Thanks fox, that would be fun" I stopped walking.

"Stop calling me fox."

"But you look like a fox, is kitty better?"

"No" I say irritated

"But the book said that the nickname should consist of a characteristic about the person, and those whiskers are pretty special" Special! I scowled. They aren't special

"Could you just stop. Don't call me anything related to whiskers" I wanted to be angry, to growl at him, yell, something, instead it was more of a whisper.

"Just call me Naruto" He nodded and we began walking towards the kitchen. I had really looked forward to being alone together with Gaara, but I had to give Sai a chance. I walked hesitantly into the kitchen

"Hey Gaara" He was already there and looked up when I called. He looked back and forth between me and Sai

"I bought Sai with me. He isn't as bad as we thought, so I asked him to come sit with us tonight" I still couldn't read him, but something told me he wasn't too happy about my decision.

He just looked down and continued drawing. I sat down beside Gaara, so I could have a better look at his drawing and Sai sat on the opposite side.

"Oh so you draw, I do too" Sai said.

"Wow, you do. Can I have a look" I asked exciting. I looked as he found a notebook between all his books. I took it and began looking through the pages.

"It's a very deferent style than Gaara's but I like this too" These were more abstract pictures of the nature. Trees and lakes and such. There were really good.

I felt Gaara move beside me and saw he got up and began walking.

"Where are you going" He didn't answer but just kept going.

"Sorry Sai, he isn't really a people person. See you tomorrow" I said to Sai while beginning to run after Gaara

Gaara's POV

I could hear Naruto beginning to run after me. If he wanted to be with me that bad, he shouldn't have invited Sai. I thought these night times were our times. But apparently Naruto didn't see it like that. He had talked me into letting him see me draw, and then he just get interested in Sai's work.

I clench my hand in anger and want to punch something. I don't even get why I'm this angry. Is this another thing related to this friendship and bond stuff? Is this normal too, cause I don't like it.

I stop before my door and hesitate for a bit. If Naruto ran after me he could be here in a second, therefore I should hurry inside and lock the door. Even though I made that decision, somehow my body won't press down the door handle.

"Wait" I hear Naruto said behind me. I press down on the handle and walk into the room, closing the door slowly. He manages to get a foot in and just yelped as I try to press the door close.

"Gaara wait, let me in" He said through clenched teeth. I press even harder, wanting to see if he would move the foot or withstand the pain. He manages to push his shoulder against the door and I let him get in. I walk over and sit in my chair. He closes the door and sits on the bed like usual.

"Is there something wrong?" He looks at his hands. I don't really know what to tell him, so I just stay silent.

"Is it because I bought Sai?" Without me wanting it, a growl slipped out of my mouth. He flinched.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you hated him that much, but I found out he wasn't that bad, he was just trying to be friends with us, but had a hard time doing it.. sorry, I know I should have asked you first" Something in his voice made my anger disappear, I didn't like how weak and sad it sounded

"It's alright" I force out. He slowly looked at me

"Could I maybe see you draw now?.. or do you want me to go?" He began fidgeting and looked away again.

"You can stay" I put my sketchbook on the table and continued on the drawing, Naruto quickly got up and stood beside the table and watched.

"It's magic, how can you draw something like this. It almost looks like it's alive" His wide eyes was shimmering and he looked at the drawing in awe. My mask slipped and a small smile was visible, before I got control again.

"You can have it if you want" I said indifferently. He gasped

"Really, you mean that? Can I really have it?" He grabbed the picture "Oh my God, thanks so much" He was almost jumping around the room of happiness.

"It's late, you should go now" Naruto looked at the time and groaned.

"I'm not going to get up tomorrow morning, with this little sleep" He looked at me for a while. "You aren't going to sleep for the next couple of hours are you?"

"No" I knew that I was probably going to have another sleepless night. He took a little key up from his pocket and put in on the table.

"Could you maybe wake me up in two hours?" He said looking a little embarrassed. I looked at the key. Was he really giving me the key to his room?

"Please Gaara, we have an important class tomorrow, so I can't be late"

"Alright" the word just slipped out before I had thought about it.

"Thanks" Naruto beamed at me and hurried back to get some sleep.

Naruto'POV

Alone.

I'm so alone.

Why isn't he here?

Why am I all alone?

"Hello little Naru-chan" A voice whisper in the dark. I shudder.

That voice. I don't like that voice. I block my ears with my hands. I don't want to hear it.

My breathing quickens. I feel a hand on my cheek and open my mouth to scream, but no voice is coming out.

I'm sitting in my bed and is starring into the darkness. The sound of my breathing is too loud in my ears. It's been a while since I last had that nightmare. It was probably because Sai couldn't stop talking bout those whiskers. I try to find the light switch, this darkness is reminding me too much of my nightmare. I find it and turn on the light. I squinted in the strong light.

I suddenly noticed a figure in my room.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Gaara's POV

My alarm went off and signaled that I had to wake Naruto up now. I had been looking at the key for the past two hours. It felt weird to lie here with the key to his room. I didn't know why, but it did. I got up and began walking towards his room.

I locked myself in and closed the door. Naruto was breathing fast and was whimpering. I didn't know what to do, but thought it was best to wake him up. When I was just about to shake him, he abruptly sat up, and I jerked back. The look in his eyes was hard to watch. He looked so frightened. I wanted to make it disappear but I don't know how too.

He turned on the light and I closed my eyes, trying to avoid the sharp light. I heard a gasp and looked back at him. He was starring right at me

"You wanted me to wake you up, but it seems like you managed that yourself" I said indifferently trying to get out of this weird atmosphere. He looked at the brim of tears

"C-could you sit here for a bit" he said in a brittle voice. He was pointing at the end of the bed. I sat down and was careful not to sit too close to him. I didn't know what he had dreamt about, but I was pretty sure it was related to the issue about physical contact. Normally, if I didn't know what to say or do, I would just ignore it, but I couldn't do that seeing him like this, I couldn't just ignore him.

"Is there something else you want?" When I didn't get a respond I looked at him. He seemed to be deep in thought or still stuck in the nightmare. I looked around and found a shirt. I threw the shirt at him, hoping he would snap out of it. He shook his head and blink before looking at me. He laughed, but I could hear it was fake.

"Sorry, I got a little… distracted"

"Is there anything else I can do?" I ask again.

"Normally you have to talk a lot about all kinds of things and then I could get myself distracted from.. this. But you don't talk that much, so that is out of the question then" He smiled sadly. I looked around the room, and saw a book lying by the bed.

"Have you read that?" I tried, hoping to help him somehow.

"I'm in the middle of it" He said confused.

"Tell me about it, what is it about, what do you think would happen?" Luckily my plan worked, because he began talking and talking about the book. At first he was hesitant, but he quickly began to smile more and more and gestured wildly while he explained. I looked at the clock.

"Maybe you should begin to get ready?" He noticed too and jumped out of bed. He quickly got out of his shirt and threw it somewhere. For some reason I had a hard time not looking at him while he ran around in only his boxers and tried to find some clean clothes.

"See you tonight" He yelled as he ran out the door in only his pants and a shirt in his hand.

Naruto's POV

I finally relaxed when I got on the bus. It didn't seem like I was going to be late for class today. I closed my eyes and tried to get some sleep. I was really happy Gaara had been there when I woke up. Normally I had to deal with this myself and therefore it felt a little weird that he had seen me like that. I didn't like others seeing me when I felt that vulnerable. But I was happy anyway.

He had tried to help me and I knew I wouldn't have been able to think about anything other than my past and wouldn't have been able to go to class, if he hadn't been there. I couldn't help but smile. Gaara had actually wanted to help me and had seemed a bit worried. He still seemed to shut me out sometimes, so I liked these moments when I could feel we were friends and not just dorm mates. I suddenly remembered that we had left Sai all alone. I sighed. I had to make it up to him today somehow.

\- Later that day -

I had met with Kiba on my way home and had tried to make him try to befriend Sai too. He still thought he was strange, but he had promised he would try. I had decided to talk to everyone and hopefully he would have some friends other than me too. It didn't seem like Gaara would like that I bought him with me, and I didn't want him to be lonely.

So far I had talked to Kiba, Shino, Shika..something, Sakura, Ino and Hinata. And yeah, I was pretty proud of myself that I had remembered so many names already. I was on my way to the kitchen and was looking forward to seeing how people would react to Sai now.

Gaara's POV

It was dinner time and I was contemplating whether I should go or wait till tonight to see Naruto. I was still a little uneasy about what had happened this morning and I wanted to see how he was. Before I knew it, I was already walking towards the kitchen. I sighed. He really had to much control over me sometimes.

I stood in the doorway and looked at him. He didn't seem to feel bad anymore. Hopefully he was better now. He saw me and waved. I decided I might as well eat now.

Naruto didn't pay as much attention to me like usually. He was busy trying to include Sai in conversations with the others. I quickly ate and decided to go again.

"Can I come to your room tonight?" The room suddenly got silent.

"Does that mean your lovers?" Sai asked bluntly. Naruto blushed

"No" He spluttered. "We're friends"

"But in my book i-"

"I don't care about that. We're friends" Naruto's face was completely flushed right now. He looked at me

"I just wanted to talk with you.. it wasn't like that.. you know.. I.."

"I know, you can come" I said before walking back.

I sat down in my room and found my computer. I had to make an assignment. In this assignment I had to make a digital picture, using different methods and write about them afterwards. I continued what I had already done and waited for him to be done. Before I knew it, I heard knocking on the door.

"Come in" Naruto quickly came in and closed the door. He sat beside me on the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm drawing something for an assignment"

"Can I see?" He asked excited. I patted the place beside me. I saw him stiffen and suddenly remembered that it was a stupid idea to make him sit this close to me. I took my comforter and draped it around my shoulder and down my side.

"There, now we won't touch even though we sit close" Several emotions flashed across his face. Surprise, relief, sadness, gratitude before happiness took over. Naruto smiled and moved over to sit beside me. I continued drawing. He watched my every move and I found that I liked it more, when we were alone.

"Your keys is on the table, so remember to take them with you"

"No that's alright, you can keep them. Sometimes I'm lost in my own world when I'm reading or listening to music. If you want to talk to me, you can just go in. I trust you with them, plus then you can wake me up some other times too. I have a hard time getting up" He grinned.

"Oh" I remembered this morning.

"Are you alright?"

"What do you mean?" He asked confused

"About this morning?" He stiffened and his face became void of any emotion.

"Yeah.. and thanks for this morning" He gave me a small smile. "I really appreciate that and this" He pointed towards the comforter. I just nodded. I zoomed out on my drawing and Naruto looked at the whole drawing.

"Oh my God it's amazing." He smiled at me. Suddenly he was just as cheerful and energetic like usually.

"I like that about you" The words somehow slipped out" He froze

"What?"

Naruto's POV

"I like how you obviously have had a terrible past, but you still are this bright and energetic person. I like the fact that you are so expressive and you can always see what you feel" He said without looking at me. He continued drawing. I was still frozen. Had he really said that? Was this person really Gaara?

He couldn't have said like. That was just.. I shook my head. This just seemed unreal. A feeling of sadness overwhelmed me. He said he liked how I was a bright person. Apparently he didn't know me then. He doesn't know how big a mess I really am. How much of a freak I am. Am I really a bright person? I don't feel like one. I can feel the darkness inside me trying to swallow me. Can't he see that too? Am I that good at deceiving others?

I suddenly wanted to get away. To hide somewhere. I wanted him to like me, but he didn't like the real me. Would he abandon me when he would realize I'm not that bright a person. I didn't want to experience that. I quickly got up

"Sorry, I have to go" I tried to keep my voice steady.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Gaara's POV

"Sorry, I have to go" His voice shook slightly.

"Is there something wrong?" He seemed weird.

"I just have to go" He quickly walked out. I could figure out what had happened. The only thing it could have been was that I said I liked him, but that shouldn't make him act like that. Didn't people normally like being told someone liked them? Or was it something you didn't say to friends? I didn't know and Naruto was usually the person who explained stuff about friendship.

It was noon and I was sitting in the kitchen, eating. Yesterday I had stayed in the kitchen all night waiting for Naruto. I as sure he would come sooner or later. Instead I ended up sitting out here alone. We had practically met here every night since we meet, so it was weird for him not to come. It had probably something to do with him running off the other evening. A voice interrupted my thoughts.

"What did you do to Naruto?" I turned around. It was the lazy boy. I raised a nonexistent eyebrow, looking at him expectantly.

"There is something wrong with him. He seemed down and wasn't really eating anything, and since you seem to affect him a lot, you are probably the cause" I knew I was, I just didn't know why or how.

"Did you reject him or something?"I frowned. What did he mean by reject?

"I think it's because I said I liked him" The guy looked very surprised, then thoughtful.

"Hmm. You should probably just give him some time. I know he has had some bad experiences and therefore he can act different than other people"

"You know about his past" Somehow I didn't like that. Had he talked to others about this and not me?

"I'm not blind. I just figured it out. He doesn't handle physical contact well, so he must have had something happened to him." I nodded and continued eating.

"But don't worry. You both like each other a lot, so it's going to be fine" He sighed "You two really are troublesome" He shook his head as he walked out of the kitchen. I decided to do as he said and give him some time.

\- Several days later -

I was sitting in the kitchen waiting for the others to come and make dinner. I was beginning to become very impatient. I hadn't seen Naruto since then, and I was not waiting anymore. People slowly began coming in and began making dinner. Naruto came in as the last one. He avoided my gaze and began helping with setting the table. After a while they all sat down. Naruto began talking to Sai.

"Naruto, we need to talk, so come see me after dinner" I said sternly. Sai placed his arm around Naruto's shoulders.

"He doesn't have to, if he doesn't want to"

"Could you please remove your arm from him, he doesn't like it" I looked him directly in the eyes and hoped the saying If looks could kill was true.

"We're friends and it's normal for friends to touch each other like this" I slammed my hands into the table as I abruptly got up.

"Remove. Them" I said icily.

"I-it's alr-right" Naruto stuttered. I looked at him. He just sat there. He didn't try to get him to let go or anything. I Growl.

"You are going to my room after dinner, even if I have to drag you in there" I walk back into my room, to angry to sit out there and watch them together. How could he just let him touch him like that when he won't let me? Is there something special with Sai? He has seemed interested in him lately. I growled again. Is being angry all the time like this also normal for this bond thing. I just didn't understand all this anymore.

I sat on my bed and was waiting for him. I tried to calm down. I still remembered what happened last time I wanted to discus something with him while being angry. I still had a hard time forgetting his scared face. After I had waited for an hour I got up, grabbed the key to his room and began walking. We were going to talk even if he didn't want to.

I locked myself in and turned on the light. Naruto was sitting in his bed with the comforter around him. He was hyperventilating and shaking pretty badly. He rocked back and forth. The sight made my stomach turn.

"Naruto" I whispered. He didn't answer. He didn't even seem to notice me.

"Naruto" I said a little louder. I stood right before him now, but I didn't dare to shake him or in any way touch him.

"Naruto" I almost yelled. He just kept rocking back and forth, starring at nothing in particularly. He began to mumble something and his arms go up to block his ears. I notice the marks on his arms. Bite marks and marks after nails. It felt like a bucket with ice water just got poured down over me. I pull my hand back and slapped him hard on the side of his face. The blow was so hard he fell to the side. He whimpered and caressed his hurt cheek. He looked at me and finally noticed I was in the room with him.

"Gaara" He whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmmm :3 Jealous Gaara.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Gaara's POV

"Did that Sai person do something to you?" I growled. I waited for his yes, so I could go and beat him half to death and then a bit more.

"N-no" He panted. I glared at him

"Why did you let him touch you?" I was pretty sure this was the result of that. Did he like him that much that he would let him touch him even though he would end up like this? He looked away, not answering my question.

"Look at me" I yelled angrily. He didn't and I grabbed his chin and made him look.

"Why?" snarled

"You s-said you l-liked me" I snorted.

"And then just to spite me you let him hang all over you" I knew it! He was just like the rest of them. He was just as bad, he was just better at fooling me.

"N-no. You said y-you liked the bright side of me. I j-just wanted to b-be normal" I recalled Sai's comment "it's normal for friends to touch each other like this", I didn't really understand what he was saying, but my anger faded a bit.

"I'm not the p-person you l-like. I'm a freak, I'm f-fucked up. I just wanted to be like the p-person you liked" His panting was better now, but he still didn't breathe normally. The last bit of my anger disappeared completely with his last comment. He had done this for me..? Because he wanted to be with me?

I felt warm inside. The warmth disappeared again as I remembered his arms. The long red stripes that were going up, down and across his arms and somewhere even small drops of blood stained the skin. And the bite marks. A part of me wanted to touch those marks just to see if they really were as deep as they looked. I grabbed one of his arms and pulled it up so it was right in front of his eyes.

"What's this then?" My voice was still cold. He looked away.

"I asked you a question" He abruptly got up. He didn't look scared anymore. He looked angry.

"That's what I told you. Why don't you listen? I'm fucked up. I can't forget it. I will probably never forget about it. This helps" He showed me his arms. "I need something to keep me from slipping back to that place. Something to remind me what is real and what is not. That's not normal. Hurting yourself isn't normal or bright" He cringed at the word.

"Hurting yourself. That isn't normal, it's disgusting. I know that's what others would think. I'm not that bright and happy person you described. This is me. I'm lost in this darkness, can't you see that? I'm not the average person. I don't go around and have normal fears, like fear of heights or of birds and such things. My fears are that somebody would touch me, or that someone would notice how weird I am. I hate it. You don't know how much normal people touch you. Even if I tell them to stay away, they don't think it's serious and they forget. They think I'm weird. They don't realize how much I hate it. I want them to stop, cause every time they touch me I'm reminded that I can't get what I want. I want to experience the same things as them. I want to hold hands and hug others. I want to be able to sit close to someone. To be able to comfort them. But I can't be like others. I have to stay away. I have to sit here in the dark, and shiver. It is times like these that I notice how different I really am. How can you just say I'm bright? I'm not" He was practically yelling the last bit.

His face was flustered and he was almost crying. I felt this weird feeling inside. I wanted to help him somehow. To comfort him, just do something. But I didn't know how. I sat down on the floor in front of him.

"Sit down" I tried to say as softly and comforting as I could. He stood for a while, before slowly sitting down on the bed. He had stopped shaking and now he was panting because of his outburst instead of fear.

"I still feel the same. You are a bright person even though you can't see it yourself. I know you have a dark side. Everyone has. I'm fighting my own demons and I can see you're fighting yours. But I'm still going to say the same as last time. I like how you can act so genuinely happy and bright when you have this dark side. You don't let it consume you like others sometimes do. I like you because you are real." I tried to comfort him somehow, but I didn't know if I was doing a good job.

I heard him beginning to cry and looked up at him. The tears ran down his face. That would mean I hadn't done a good job at comforting him, it seemed like I had made it worse.

"What did I do wrong?" I was becoming a little desperate.

"Nothing. It's nothing" He leaned forward until he tilted down from the bed and into my lap. He put his arms around my neck and continued crying onto me. I just sat there completely shocked. I didn't know how to act now. He couldn't just be alright with physical contact, so I couldn't just touch him. I just waited for his next moved.

"Do you know a song called Brahms lullaby? It's a classical song" He whispered to me.

"No, why?" I was a little confused.

"When I was little I had this music box that played that song. Whenever I feel bad I always hum that melody. It helps somehow" He began humming softly into my shoulder. I still just sat there. His humming became more and more slurred as time went by and then just stopped. After sometime I could hear his soft snoring and lifted him up. I gently placed him on his bed.

I brushed some of his hair away from his face and caress his cheek. My fingers followed the lines on his face. I still didn't know where he got them from. I didn't know why he feared physical contact either. I sighed. I didn't actually know anything about his past. My fingers stayed on his cheek a little longer. His skin felt so soft. It made me a little sad that I probably wasn't going to touch it for a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone get the weird reference I tried to make with the demons.. since they both are a jinchuuriki :S I know.. I have a weird humor. So their relationship is finally getting closer. I just LOVE Gaara in this chapter.. He's so cute and possessive :3
> 
> If anyone wants to hear the melody Naruto is talking about, I think this one is the best: www . youtube watch?v=5Cj_FjI5VvQ You just have to delete the spaces ;)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First I would like to give some kind of explanation. I know there might be some people out there who are confused about how Naruto could just fell asleep in Gaara's lap. There are many variables in this one. The biggest part is relief and trust. Naruto has always had to hide this part of himself. He doesn't want people to know about it and he has some trust issues on top of that. Therefore he is extremely relief after hearing that Gaara actually still likes him even after he finds out about his dark side. That plus he now trust him in a way. It's kind of hard to explain but if you really trust someone it's easier to share physical contact even if it's uncomfortable. Another reason is that there are a big difference in someone touching you and you touching that someone. And in this case it's Naruto who initiates the contact and only him that touches Gaara. Therefore he still has control over the situation and it isn't that overwhelming. The last reason is that he is exhausted both physically and mentally. All these reason are part of why he could stay like that… I hope this has cleared it up a bit ;)
> 
> And if anyone finds something they think is confusing, just say so and I'll gladly explain :D

Chapter 17

Naruto's POV

I slowly opened my eyes. The light from the sun felt brutal against my still tired eyes. I rubbed them trying hard to wake up completely. But then I remembered yesterday. Had that really happened?

I remembered what Gaara said and this warm feeling filled me. He said he liked me. Even though he had seen that side of me, he had told me he liked me. How could that be real? Had it been real? It had just felt so good to be wanted like that again and somehow that made me want to be closer to him.

Everything was just so… overwhelming and I just wanted to be comforted. I just wanted someone to hold me and tell me everything was gonna be alright. And before I knew it, I had landed in his lap. It hadn't been completely comfortable. It felt weird and a part of me wanted to push him away, but I didn't.

I wanted to sit like that for once. To be comforted in some way. And Gaara didn't touch me in anyway and that made it better. It felt like I could trust him. That he wouldn't hurt me. The few other people I have told about my discomfort have said they understood, but somehow they all kept touching me anyway. They just didn't understand it. But apparently Gaara did or.. maybe he just didn't want to touch me.

But still I'm happy and a little proud of myself for being able to do that. If I work hard I might be able to do more things soon. I smiled. To be normal. That sounded so nice.

I closed my eyes again. Maybe I should just stay home today. Yeah.. That sounded good too. I turned around and soon after fell asleep again.

Gaara's POV

I stared at my hand. My fingers still tingled lightly. How could his skin make me feel like that? But it was surprisingly soft, even with the scars. I frowned. I had to try to get him to talk about these things.

I still haven't understood all these things about bonds.. It was still all so confusing. I was so used to feeling numb. To just be there. Now all these feelings kept reappearing. It was overwhelming for the most part. I still don't know how to handle them. How to act upon them. I hope that Naruto someday would help me with that.

Sometimes I can't help but feel it was better when I didn't feel anything. It was easier to handle everything back then. But after meeting Naruto… I don't think I can go back to that. I sighed. Feelings, bonds, friendship. Those were some weird things… But nice too.

I got up and found my computer. I had to do some more work.

\- At dinner -

I sat by the table and watched as the people made food and talked. Naruto had rolled his sleeves up slightly. I observed him intensely. I could still see the small red dots scattered around his arm. The remnants from yesterday. He must have bitten pretty hard, if there could still be marks left after this long. And was that all he did or do? Had he hurt himself more seriously than this? Had he tried to cut himself before?

I couldn't remember seeing any scars the last time he took of his clothes. I remembered the time when he had taking off almost all his clothes. I still remember the sight of that slightly tanned skin. And it's probably as soft as it looked if the feel of his cheeks is anything to go by.

Warmth spread to my cheeks. I slowly touched them. Why did they become this warm?

"Are you sick?" Naruto looked at me worriedly. He stood before me and fiddled with his sleeve.

"No. I'm fine"

"Are you sure? It looks like you have one, you're all flushed" I just shook in disagreement.

"Could you.. you know.. Could you perhaps.." He seemed nervous as he stood there and fiddled even harder at his sleeve. I just waited for him to say what he wanted.

"No, nothing" He turned around and went back to helping the others. I frowned. What had he been wanting? I continued starring, no I mean.. observing him, as he helped setting the table.

Naruto's POV

I looked over at Gaara. He didn't look as flushed anymore, so it was probably not a fever. I sighed. Why couldn't I do it? I had wanted to lay my hand on him and feel if he was feverish or not. But noo~. I had to be weird and couldn't do it. What if he really is sick and I can't help him? I sighed. I just had to trust him. He seemed fine, and he had managed himself fine without me before. I sighed. Somehow that hurt a little.

I sat down and began to scoop a lot of food on my plate. I quickly ate while watching Gaara out of the corner of my eye. It was still a rarity to see him eat with us. Maybe he was worried about me. A flutter filled my stomach. It still felt weird whenever I thought about the fact that he liked me. Soon I was done eating and I sat still waiting for Gaara to be done too. We got up simultaneously and went out of the kitchen.

"Can I come over again to night?" He didn't answer at first.

"I have an assignment I have to make" I gasped in realization. I had one too.

"Damn. I have one too, so I can't come over" I sighed "I'll just come over some other time then" I smiled at him, and I think he might have smiled too. But that was probably just my imagination.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Naruto's POV

I looked around. I was standing in my old schoolyard.

"You're such a dobe" I quickly turned around. Sasuke. I smiled a bit before yelling "Teme". He smirked and slowly turned around and began walking away. I began walking up to him, but he kept getting further and further away.

I began running, faster and faster. My legs were almost tripping over each other several times. I don't know why but I began to get more and more afraid as it became darker and darker around us. He kept being out of my reach and I was almost crying now. It was so frustrating and I was so desperate. I needed to reach him. I had too. I couldn't remember why, but I knew I had too.

I stretched my hand towards him. I was almost touching him now, but just as my fingertips reached his shirt I fell forwards. And all I could do as I was lying there was watch him walk away, further and further into the darkness.

"Sasuke, wait. You can't leave me here" My tears were running down my cheeks.

"Please Sasuke, please save me" I heard the familiar sinister laughter behind me.

"Oh.. Abandoned again, my little Naru-chan. Don't worry, I'll keep you company". My breath hitched as I tried to get away. But I couldn't see anything. The darkness had surrounded me. I couldn't hear where the voice came from. It felt like it came from everywhere.

I felt hands gently caress my cheek. It slowly glided over my skin. My trembling became worse and I was almost choking on the air. Now it was the nails that touched my skin, and it began to dig into it. Harder and harder. The scorching pain made it feel like someone had set my cheeks on fire.

My scream mixed with his laughter. Higher and higher until my ears began to hurt.

Gaara's POV

I was almost done with my assignment when I head a soft knock on my door. I looked at the clock, it was 3 am. I began drawing again. It was probably just my imagination. There shouldn't be anyone up now. I heard several knocks this time. I slowly got up, annoyed at the person on the other side.

Why would anyone disturb me at this time of the night? I opened the door and saw Naruto standing there with a pillow and his covers. He looked exhausted and his eyes were red.

"Could I maybe.. sleep here?" He seemed hesitant and nervous. I moved so he could come inside.

"Something wrong?" He sighed

"Just a bad dream" It didn't seem like he wanted to talk about it. He went over to my bed and curled up against the wall. I sat down on my chair and looked over at him. He still seemed distressed.

I walked over and sat by the bed. I began to hum. His eyes snapped open and he looked at me confused.

"That's my lullaby" I just kept humming.

"Did you lean it?" It wasn't like I had actually heard and memorized the melody for his sake. No, I was just curious about it. That's all. His eyes slowly closed and soon after he was snoring lightly. I rubbed my thump over the skin under his eyes. It still felt damp, so he had probably cried before he came over. I removed my finger and was about to get up.

"Please, don't leave me. Please come back" Who was he begging to? Was it that Seth guy again? I clenched my fists. I part of me just wanted to go and let him stay here alone, but… I just… Not when he's like this.

My fingers slowly touched his and I looked at his face for any sign of repulsion or fright. When I didn't see anything I gently interlocked our fingers and gave his hand a squeeze. I don't know why, but it felt good to feel his small hand in mine. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the sight. My pale skin against hi tanned one. And as I looked at his skin against mine, something inside of me wanted more. I don't know of what or how to get it.

Just… more.

Naruto's POV

I felt warm. It was a good warm. It reminded me of the safe feeling I had when I was in my mothers embrace. I slowly opened my eyes. I quickly closed them again. It wasn't Gaara that was lying beside me. I was probably still sleeping. I tried to open them again, but he was still there. I looked around and realized I was in his room.

I suddenly remembered what had happened this morning. I tried to rub my eyes, but couldn't move my hand. I saw our hands were interlocked. Instead of feeling repulsed like always, I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. I felt him stir and quickly hid my face in my pillow. I felt him untangle our fingers. Somehow I felt a little bit disappointed at the loss. He got up and I heard him sit on his chair.

I snuggled into the bed and tried to fell asleep again.

Gaara's POV

I felt some movement in my bed and slowly began to wake up too. I felt refreshed which I seldom felt. I wanted to continue to lie here and feel this refreshed and warm feeling. I felt a pull on my hand and slowly opened my eyes. I realized that Naruto was in my bed. This morning I couldn't get him to let go of my hand so I had just planned to lie down for a couple of hours before I was going to try again.

I must have fallen asleep. I frowned. I had to get up before he woke up. I tried to untangle our fingers and this time it was easy. I got up and tried to finish the assignment. It was just a bit hard, since the warm feeling in my hand kept distracting me.

A couple of hours later Naruto got up and apologized for his very late visit. I told him it was alright and he hurried back to his room to finish some homework he still had.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Gaara's POV

Since then, he has been here several other times and slept in here. These other nights has occurred much like the first time. But this weird feeling I felt the first night have only grown stronger and stronger. Sometimes I look at him and just suddenly want to touch him.

I don't know why. I want to ask him why. It's probably just another normal thing I haven't experienced before. But with his personality he would probably just be troubled by it. It would be a thing he can't give me and I'm sure he would feel bad about that. I know he hates when people unintentionally points put that he can't act like normal, and this request would do exactly that. I sighed. I just have to control that urge and don't talk to him about it.

I looked at the clock. It was over midnight. Some sick part of me wanted him to come again. Wanted him to sleep here and let me touch him. That part always made me guilty when I saw how frightened and sad he is when he knocks on my door. I know he has to have really bad dreams before he comes here. All these feelings… I'm jut not use to them. I heard quick knocks on my door. They were quickly getting louder and louder. It sounded like he was really desperate to see me.

Naruto's POV

I looked around. I was standing in the park close to my old home.

"You're such a dobe" I quickly turned around.

"Teme" I yelled while trying to hide my smile. He smirked and slowly turned around and began walking away. I began walking up to him, but he kept getting further and further away. I began running, faster and faster. It began to get darker and darker around us. I tried to run even faster. I began to be scared and was desperate to reach him. I needed to reach him. I had too. I couldn't remember why, but I knew I had too. I stretched my hand towards him. I was almost touching him now, but just as my fingertips reached his shirt I fell forwards. I looked up from the ground, but suddenly it wasn't Sasuke anymore.

It was Gaara.

Gaara was slowly being consumed by the darkness as he walked away from me.

"Gaara, wait. You can't leave me here" My tears were running down my cheeks. I heard the familiar chuckle behind me.

"See.. Everyone will abandon you. Sasuke did.. and so will Gaara. You're too much trouble. He will get tired of you. But don't worry, my little Naru-chan, I'll keep you company". I tried to get away. But I couldn't see anything. The darkness had surrounded me.

Gaara's POV

I quickly opened the door and let him in. He tried to push me back into my chair and in my surprise he easily managed that. I stared at him, completely in shock as his hands roamed over my body. He touched my chest, arms, legs and even my cheeks. I sat there frozen. I had no idea what was going on. Was he still sleeping? Soon after he collapsed onto the floor and tears began to run down his cheeks. I cleared my throat.

"What's wrong?" My voice was more unsteady than I wanted it to sound. He looked up at me.

"I-I just really n-needed to make sure y-you that really are h-here.." He said between his sobs. I was still confused, but somehow that made me warm. After some time he slowly stopped sobbing.

"Do you wanna lie down or talk or something?" I was still really confused and didn't know how to react to all this. He nodded and slowly got up and lied down in my bed. I sat beside him and began humming like always. The only difference where his hand that was desperately holding on to my arm. I couldn't help but stare at it until it became loose and soon after the hand fell down onto the bed. I could still feel the warmth of his hand on my skin.

I was looking at the clock. It was about the usual time for him to wake up, and this morning I was determined to get some answers. I felt him stir and gently caressed his cheek. I just wanted to feel him for a little longer. Even though he acted like that last night, I'm sure he will be as frightened as usual if he felt my touch. His eyes slowly opened and he looked around confused. The he closed them again and sighed.

"Somehow I'm always confused where the hell I am, when I wake up in here" He gave a short laugh, but it sounded too forced.

"You're not really yourself when you fall asleep in here, so it's not that weird" I mumbled and fiddled with the covers.

"But more importantly. What happened last night? I know I have said you don't have to tell me about these things, but you could at least tell me why you suddenly had to touch me" I tried to sound demanding, but I wasn't completely sure if I did. He looked away.

"I was just a stupid nightmare.. That's all"

"I don't believe that... all the other nights.. Those were nightmares. But something was different yesterday, since you had to do that"

"It was… it was just like the usual nightmares…" I groaned. I didn't believe that. He was definitely going to tell the truth. He wasn't leaving this bed until he did. Somehow the thought of him staying here like this made my stomach tingle uncomfortably. I shook my head, trying to get rid of those thoughts.

"… that's why…" He whispered.

"What?" I had zoned him out like I sometimes did again.

"I said… It was like my usual nightmares, just you were in this one instead of my old friend… And I just kind of.. you know.. I just needed to make sure you wouldn't leave me all alone.." His voice was almost like a whisper at the end. My hand slowly moved over the covers and touched his. I didn't dare hold it, so I just slightly touched it. Just to let him know I was here. He smiled slightly and moved his fingers closer.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Naruto's POV

My head fell heavily against the table. I hated homework. Sometimes they didn't make any sense. Just like now. It could be because I had missed some lectures, because I had overslept. I groaned. It definitely hadn't been my fault. The books were just too good or I had had nightmares. I relaxed over the table.

A couple of hours ago I had left Gaara's room, after having remembered these annoying homework. I looked at my hand. I had felt the heat for a long time after that, but it had begun to slowly fade. I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. It had felt weird… Not normal. I just wasn't use to it. But the fact that it was Gaara's heat, somehow made me want to prolong it.

I ruffled my hair. I just don't understand myself anymore. Do I like it? Do I hate it? Should I like it? I just don't know anymore. I heard someone knock on my door and went to open it. To my big surprise it was Gaara that was standing out there.

"It's almost dinner time" Sometimes I hated that monotone voice. I just couldn't figure out what he was thinking. I decided that my homework could wait and went with him to the kitchen. We had gotten there before the others, so we sat down and waited. Soon after Kiba and Hinata came in. Holding hands. What? When had that happened? A weird feeling overwhelmed me. I want that too. I want to hold hands and kiss and love someone.

Gaara's POV

I didn't know why, but he seemed a bit… sad. I didn't know what had triggered it, and wasn't sure if touching him like before would help in any way. He quickly smiled and began talking to the boy and girl who had just arrived. I zoned them out and hoped we could soon eat so Naruto and I could leave again. Luckily the others came and some big commotion began. They seemed more annoying than usual. They had, for some reason, split up into a boy and a girl group. Naruto seemed engrossed in the conversation, but sometimes I could sense he became sad. I began to listen to them, to find out what caused this.

"So how far have you come?"

"Yeah, have you done it yet?"

"Are you sure you can even satisfy her with your little size?"

"Sai, haven't I told you, you don't talk to others like that" Naruto sighed.

"But my books say that size is important when you have sex" Naruto blushed slightly

"It doesn't. And haven't I told you not to read all those books? Or at least not believe in them so much" He spluttered. What were they talking about?

"Yeah, sometimes it's skills that matters not size" Some of the other boys alleged. I didn't understand what they were talking about, but fortunately they soon broke up and began making food. The weird conversation continued, but I decided to ignore them.

When we were done eating I followed Naruto back to his room.

"What were you talking about?" He looked at me confused

"Before dinner?"

"Oh… sex" He looked at me weirdly "You do know about sex, don't you?" I frowned. Sex was something men and women did to get offspring. So why was they talking about that.

"You know.. when you meet someone you really, really like, you want to have sex with them"

"I know and then you get a child" He gently shook his head

"Not just because of that. You do it because it feels good and you want to… feel that person… you know?"

"It feels good…?" I didn't understand that. Why did it feel good? How did it feel?

"Yeah, you know… down there it will feel really good" He was really red now and didn't look me in the eyes.

"Where?" I still didn't follow. His hand slowly pointed at his groin. We had arrived at his door and he hurriedly said goodnight and closed the door in my face. I began walking back to my room.

Halfway there my foot hit something. It was a book with the title Ita ita cosplay. Somehow it looked familiar. It was that dorm supervisor's book. He was always walking around with his face buried into it. I picked it up and opened it, just to see what kind of book it was.

\- Her fury ears twitched as she crawled nearer. She leaned down and nuzzled her face in his groin. "Please, I want it" She begged wantonly. He smirked and leaned back into the headboards. "Oh so kitty want some milk?" She moaned and nibbled on the hardened member through his boxers. She could feel it pulse and licked at the fabric. He moaned at the feeling.-

The book fell out of my hands and I stood there completely frozen. What was that? Had that been the sex Naruto talked about. I shivered and felt a warmth build up in me. I looked around and quickly got back into my room again, trying to forget the words.

Naruto's POV

It was weekend and I was hanging out in Gaara's room after another nightmare. For some reason they had slowly decreased lately.

"What are you dreaming about?" I looked over at him

"Why do you wanna know?"

"I just do?" Why did he have to be like that? Why couldn't he say it was because he cared or some other sweet reason?

"What about you? Why don't you start for a change? If it's satisfying I might tell you my story afterwards" I had been a bit curious about his past. He had never told me anything. There was silent for a while and I began to think he wouldn't say anything.

"I grew up with my father and two siblings. I had been unwanted, an accident. My mother was about to get her dream job, but because she was pregnant she didn't get it. That made her lash out at my siblings and they hated me even before I was born. My mother later died giving birth to me. Because of that my father hated me. He thought I was unlucky. He always told me how inconvenient I was. He hated having to stay and take care of me"

Tears were beginning to form in my eyes. No wonder he didn't know about love… or sex for that matter. His parents didn't even love each other. How could that be? Parents were suppose to love each other and their children.

"When I got older I met my uncle. He was a gentle and caring person. After some time he requested to take care of me. Both my father and I gladly accepted. My father did because he could finally get rid of me and I did because I liked him. I didn't know it was all a facade and that he was planning to use me."

I sat completely frozen. It just got worse and worse.

"Use you… how?" My voice was shaking, I didn't even know if I wanted to know the answer to that.

"Apparently he hated me because of what I did to his sister, my mother. He was so good at hiding his intentions. As soon as possible I escaped from him and therefore I'm living in this dorm." He hadn't answered my question and I didn't want to press too hard. My tears were now streaming down my cheeks and I felt like hugging him so bad…

But I couldn't And it was tearing me apart. Why? Why couldn't I for once be happy with someone? Why couldn't I comfort them when they were sad or hug them when they were happy? I rubbed my eyes, trying to stop the tears.

Gaara's POV

I looked at him crying. Why was he crying? It wasn't him that had experienced this… so why?

"I guess it's my turn now" I looked patiently at him. "In my early childhood I grew up with my mother and father. They were both working really hard to obtain their dreams but they loved me and took good care of me. So in spite of the problems we had we were… we were happy" He said sadly.

"Then someday a policeman came to my kindergarten and told me they had both died in an accident. I had to live in an orphanage. Even though there were so many kids there, I was still lonely. Somehow they didn't like me. At night I turned on my little music box, that my parents had given me as a present. The melody reminded me of all the good times and the love I had received. That's why I always hum it when I feel down. After having been alone for a really long time I met a boy named Sasuke. He was staying at the orphanage too and was also alone. We became rivals and after some time we became friends too, even though he would never admit that" He said the last sentence with a fond smile. Sasuke… who was he?

"He had some issues and he… he left me" Tears began to form in his eyes again. "He is the one who I dream about at night. The friend that leaves me." Sasuke was the friend, then who is…?

"Who is Seth then? Another friend?"


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Gaara's POV

"Who is Seth then? Another friend?"

"Who?" He looked really confused at me.

"Seth.. the guy you keep mentioning" He still looked confused but then his eyes widen in realization

"Oh Seth.. I've told you about him.. He isn't my friend" Now it's my time to get confused. They aren't friends. Does that mean Naruto just likes him?

"Yeah, even though I want to it's a bit hard to be friends with a fictional character" He grinned. Fictional…?

"What do you mean by that?" He suddenly begins to laugh loudly

"Oh, you thought he was real" he said while laughing at me. I frowned.

"I told you about this book the first night we ate together. It's my favourite book. I don't know how many times I have read it by now. In this book there is a person named Seth. You don't remember all that?" I shook my head. Of course I didn't remember all that.. I had ignored him the first many nights. He sighed

"Oh well. But this person has almost the same looks and personality as you. I have always liked him so much" He looked so excited. "He is just so cool and smart and.." He sighed dreamily. I was beginning to be a bit annoyed by his fanboy behaviour.

"So when I saw you, I just had to be friends with you. It would be like having my own personal Seth" I growled.

"So I'm just a substitute" He looked shocked.

"Of course not. I just found you interesting at first because you reminded me of him, but then I began to like you as a person more and more. So I don't think about that anymore. You aren't a substitute… I really like having you as a friend" He was beginning to look a bit desperate. I decided to forgive him, for now anyway. So all that time he had just been a character from a book. I groaned. I looked up and saw him pouting.

"How come you forgot what I told you? I have talked about that book a couple of times" I just shrugged. He suddenly gasped.

"Hey, don't tell me you don't listen to what I tell you" He looked accusatory at me. I just shrugged again.

"Hey" He yelled insulted. He turned away and looked angry at the wall. The silence filled the room and I began to draw something. After some time he began to slowly crawl over beside me. He looked at my drawing but still didn't say anything. So it was Sasuke that was his childhood friend and he left him… That's why he always called for him in his dream. I looked at Naruto. He didn't seem like the person to just let someone he liked that much, go without a fight.

"What happened between you too? Why did he leave?" He froze and began to fiddle with his sleeves.

"Uhm.. He had an older brother who everybody loved, especially his parents. He had always lived in his shadows and wanted to be better than him. After their parents death, his brother got adopted almost immediately by some business man who helped him lead their families company. Sasuke was left alone and then we met. As I said, we slowly became friends. But then a new teacher came to our school" He looked distressed and maybe a little disgusted.

"He was very interested in Sasuke. He offered him a spot in his group of elites. He told everyone he wanted to find the most intelligent people and teach them on a higher level to exploit their full potential, but I know he just wanted to find lots of beautiful people for his own harem" Naruto looked bitter. He had stopped fiddling and was instead almost tearing his sleeve apart.

"It doesn't sound like you like him all that much. I guess Sasuke ended up taking his offer" He flinched

"Yeah, I don't like him" He said softly, while looking away. "Sasuke wanted to be better than his brother, so he was sure he had to take his offer to be even smarter than before. Suddenly he didn't want to talk to me or anything. He just ignored me." He had stopped pulling his sleeves and was just looking at his hands sadly.

"And that's all you dream about? Just him? He is the reason why you're having nightmares, why you can't touch people?" I knew that couldn't be the only reason. I looked at him and could almost see him contemplating whether he should tell me or not.

"The new teacher kind of…" He sighed. He touched his cheeks "These scars… he gave me them" I looked at him completely shocked.

"Wh-" I didn't even know what to say.

"He dragged me to an empty classroom several times. He blindfolded me and… He always touched me so gently. That had confused me the first time, but then I found out he liked that. He liked to touch me gently and then when I least expected it he would hurt me. These were from the last session" His finger moved over the scars on his cheek.

"Maybe he knew that being gentle at first would make me afraid of touching. My body is just waiting for the anticipated pain whenever someone touches me."

Naruto's POV

"He was jealous of me I guess" I sighed. "He wanted Sasuke so bad and unfortunately for me, he thought he had to remove me from Sasuke's life"

"Couldn't he have done that differently, like threats or something?" Gaara said with venom in his voice. He still sat there completely tense.

"I don't know. I think he, in some sick way, enjoyed doing it. Not that I was his type. I know he likes beautiful and intelligent teens. Sasuke was all that." I looked at Gaara. "I'm sure he would have liked you too, if you had attended our school." Gaara flinched.

"I don't like being in the same group as Sasuke. He left you, remember. How can you still like someone like him? He doesn't sound like a good friend. Where was he when that teacher tormented you? And why would you say that. He would like me. I definitely don't want to be told that. And why the hell don't you hate him or get angry or anything. You just sit there and talk about it like it's nothing special" Gaara was livid.

"Oh I'm sorry I seem detached" I said sarcastically "Next time I tell this story I'll try to get more angry. And don't talk about Sasuke like that" I yelled the last part. Sasuke was my friend no matter what and I wasn't letting anyone trash-talk him, not even Gaara. "He is my friend and I like him really much, so just s-

"And why don't you ever think about my feelings? How do you think this makes me feel?" Gaara growled.

Gaara's POV

I roughly pushed him against the wall. My body was flush against his. My lips found his and I harshly bit on it. He gasped and I immediately took the change to plunge my tongue in between his lips. My lips moved against his as our tongues touched. My finger nails dug into the skin on his arms. My lips hungrily moved along his jaw and over the skin on his neck. I bit and sucked on the delicate skin.

My mind was in a daze. I felt delirious. The taste, the scent, the feel. It was all so overwhelming. My fingernails began to draw blood as they scratched down his arms. My tongue soothingly licked the marks on his neck. I felt him shudder and suddenly my mind cleared. I quickly pushed myself away from him, afraid of his reaction.

I looked at Naruto and my breath hitched. I hadn't expected him to look like that. I had thought he would be frightened, maybe he would even be crying, but he wasn't. Naruto's face was slightly flustered and his eyes were half mast and unfocused. His lips were shiny and a bit bruised. The marks on his skin stood out, even on his slightly tanned skin. He looked so.. I suddenly felt his overwhelming desire to touch him, kiss him, something. I just wanted more than this. More, so much more.

I turned around and quickly walked away. I just couldn't deal with this.


	22. Chapter 22

Naruto's POV

My legs gave out on me and I slid down the wall. What the hell had just happened? My whole body felt tingling and so hot. Why didn't I shake and feel frightened? That's what normally happens, so why not now? I sat completely still and tried to breathe normally. After some time, I had gotten control over my body again.

What had happened? Why didn't I react like normal? I just don't understand any of this. I shook my head. It had actually felt good. It had been so long since someones touch had made me feel good. Maybe I was cured. Happiness bubbled up inside me. Maybe I was finally cured. I couldn't believe it. After all those years. I was finally normal.

I didn't care how it happened or why it did. I was just so amazingly happy about it. I had given up on being normal. I was sure it would never happen. All the things I could only see others do what I wanted and know that I would never be able too. It had always hurt. But now. Now I would be able to do it too. I could have a normal life, I could hug someone, I could hold their hand, I could… kiss them.

I touch my lips. Gaara had kissed me. I blushed. He actually kissed me. Why? I sighed. This is all so confusing. Maybe it was his way of comforting me? Last time I had been sad he had held my hand. And he doesn't really know much about friendship and how to comfort anyone. So maybe he had just heard about it and thought it would help. Why else would he do it?

But.. I thought back. He was angry. We were arguing. Maybe it wasn't to comfort me. I looked down at myself. I saw the marks down my arms. He had scratched me. He had bitten me. Maybe he was just angry. Maybe that's his way of fighting. I scratched the back of my head. So confusing. But I have seen him angry before and he didn't do anything like that all those times, so why now?Maybe the kiss was an accident and he only wanted to bite me.. and then somehow ended up kissing me?

Gaara doesn't know anything about sex or such things. So it couldn't be like that. Gaara isn't someone who kisses others. He just doesn't do stuff like that. Maybe his parents had done something similar when they were fighting, and Gaara just misunderstood it. I sighed. I have to talk to him about that. You shouldn't go around and kiss people unless you loved them. I slowly got up. But that had to wait for some other time. Now I had to confirm that I'm really cured.

Gaara's POV

I looked into the mirror intensely, as if my reflection could answer all my questions. But unfortunately it just looked back at me confused. What had I just done? And why? Is this another friendship thing? Why did Naruto never tell me about all those things? The anger, the confusion, the desire for something. What is this something?

But I have never seen him or any of the others do things like this, so maybe it isn't normal. But then.. why did I do it? If it isn't normal, then why. Have I really done something wrong? Have I ruined it? But it felt so good. He felt so good. And he didn't seem to be disgusted by it. So maybe he liked it too? Maybe he would allow me to do more? Even though I don't know what more is. I sigh. Maybe that guy from last knows something.

I got out of my room and went to the kitchen. Luckily for me, he was there. I stood beside him and glare at him. Why didn't he react? I have to talk to him, and he is just sleeping.

I poke him. Nothing.

I poke him harder. Still nothing.

I'm contemplating whether to hit him or not when he finally moves.

"What's up?" I scrowl

"I need help"

"Ask Naruto" I try my best not to growl at him

"It's about him" I said through clenched teeth.

He sighed deeply. "So troublesome. What now?"

Naruto's POV

I spotted Kiba outside and ran out to him.

"Hey man"

"Hey, you seem more energetic that usual. Something good happened?" I can't stop smiling nonstop. I'm finally free.

"Yeah, something amazing happened" Kiba suddenly stared at me weirdly and then he smiled at me mischievously.

"Got yourself a girlfriend, huh?" He wiggled his eyebrows at me. I frowned.

"What are you talking about?" I asked confused. He pointed towards my neck.

"You have some intense hickeys there" He grinned at me. I couldn't stop the blush that was spreading on my cheeks.

"It's not like that" I spluttered.

"If you say so man" Kiba still laughed at me. I calmed myself down. This wasn't why I was here. I walked closer to him and put an arm around his shoulder. It felt weird, but not that uncomfortable. My smile grew. I was right.

"You're really smitten with her" He put an arm around me, and suddenly I felt that weird and extremely uncomfortable feeling ran down my spine. My breath hitched.

Why?

I could feel my eyes began to sting.

Why?

I was so sure. Why couldn't I just be normal? I quickly got away from the arm.

"See you later" I yelled at Kiba and ran towards my room.

Why was I stupid enough to actually think someone like me could be happy?

I couldn't have been cured. That was so stupid of me to think that.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since a review asked about why Naruto didn't think that Gaara kissed him because he loved him, I want to try and explain that a little better. His only friend whom he loved very much abandoned him easily. That left him with trust issues and the fact that he can't touch people made him keep some distance for a while afterwards. He is a happy and social guy, but still keeps people at a distance because he don't want them to see his "dark" side. He didn't believe Gaara could actually like this side of him and was relieved when he wasn't rejected. So he is still just happy that he actually wanted to be his friend, but can't believe he could actually be so lucky that a guy like Gaar would love someone like him.. He is a very empathic person, but that doens't mean it's easy to see what Gaara really feels.
> 
> And I made this a little longer, since the last one was so short.

Gaara's POV

I stared at him. How should I ask about this? I wasn't even sure what it is I'm unsure and about.

"Naruto told me that it's normal for friends to want to be together". I tried my best to try and remember all the things he told me about these bonds.

"..To think about each other, wanting to know more about them, to protect them". I looked at him for confirmation. He nodded slowly.

"What about feeling angry all the time because that person is with others, or wanting to touch their skin. Is that also a part of this friendship thing? And when you touch them, you can feel the warmth long after and somehow wants it to last longer. Naruto just told me about the happiness and such… But it seems like all I feel is this anger, confusion and sadness instead.. Why? Is all this normal? And there is also this feeling that I want more.. I just don't know of what.. it's just more? Do you know what that is?" Somehow I couldn't stop again. I had just been so confused most of the time and it had begun to be hard to suppress. He looked at me and the bored look on his face made my anger swell up again.

"Do you know the answer or not?" I said through clenched teeth. If he didn't, then I could just leave and try to forget this conversation. I had trouble talking about private things and didn't like the fact that it didn't feel like he took me serious.

"Let me get this straight… You have acknowledged the fact that you are friends?" I nodded.

"And now you are beginning to want to touch him?"

"I already have, and then I found out it felt… nice" He looked surprised for a bit.

"So he actually let you touch him?"

"He touched me first"

"He touched you?"

"Yeah, but it was under certain circumstances... he wasn't actually in his right mind". My voice sounded weak.

"And after that you have touched him?" Luckily he didn't go into what I meant by that. I didn't think Naruto wanted me to tell others about his nightmares.

"A few times, but only small touched. I was afraid he would feel uncomfortable".

"I knew he liked you, but I didn't think it would evolve this fast" He mumbled.

"And you like touching him?… Is that because he can't touch you, so the thought of you touching him is a sign of him trusting you? Or do you think you would feel the same way if he could easily touch other people?" I tried to think about that. I wasn't sure if it could be that. What if he could touch other people?

I imagined him going around putting his hands around others shoulders while talking to them. I imagined him sitting close to someone. I imagined him holding hands with a girl. The little touches between people when they walk past each other, or want their attention. The more I imagined the stronger this feeling in my stomach grew.

"I feel sick." I looked at him.

"Imagining him doing things like touching others like normal, makes me feel this weird sick feeling… why? Is that also normal?" He sighed.

"I didn't think he would really get to you like this." I frowned.

"What? Is there something wrong? Did he really do something to me?"

"He didn't do anything. You did"

"I did? What did I do?"

"You fell in love" He said like it was normal and rested his head on the table again.

"WHAT?" I fell in love. What did he mean about that? Fell in love? I can't do such things. This is weird. He must be wrong. This IS wrong. Love. I don't want that emotion. It makes people weak. It makes them do strange things and… I don't want this. I could fell I panicked more and more. And maybe.. maybe even a bit afraid. NO. I wasn't afraid. I didn't feel such things. I didn't feel at all. I had always been unemotional. I liked that. It wasn't confusing. I had never really felt like this and it felt sca…

"Are you sure? How can that be? I'm not like that" I tried to say with conviction. He must be wrong.

"You are angry when others touch him, or when he is with others, right? And the sick feeling you're talking about. That's jealousy. You want to monopolize him. You want to touch him. And the feeling of more, probably means you want to, not only touch him, but touch him intimately. So yeah.. What you're feeling has evolved from friendship to love." He said in that bored and carefree voice, that I have come to hate.

"Intimately…?" He sighed heavily.

"So troublesome.. Of course it means you want to kiss him, and have sex with him and such". Sex. That was the thing Naruto talked about. He said it felt really good. I lightly touched my lips. That kiss felt good too.

"Can you kiss someone you don't like?" I asked softly. I was still a bit unsure of all this.

"Yeah, easily"

"Oh.."

"You kiss that person if you are attracted to them. But generally people only kiss someone they like or at least think kisses with someone you like are more special"

Naruto's POV

I was lying on my bed. I had recovered from my awful experience earlier. How could I have been so stupid. Argh. But It was fine when I had touched Kiba. Weird, but manageable. And I have touched Gaara before too. Maybe I have been cured enough to touch others but not the other way around. Or maybe I could always do that. I looked at my hand. But Gaara have touched me before. Two times if I remember correctly.

I blushed. No three time, if what happened earlier could count as one touch. But all those times it didn't feel uncomfortable. Maybe… Maybe I can only touch him. My cheeks felt warm. I had kissed him. Or he kissed me. It felt so good. A bit weird but good. I looked at the time. It was almost time to eat.

I got up, suddenly wanting to see Gaara. I didn't really know what to say or do around him right now, but thought I should just act like always. It probably didn't mean anything and I was afraid to make things uncomfortable. Gaara was special. It was always so hard to figure him out, so sometimes it's hard to know if I said something wrong. I sighed.

Gaara's POV

People was beginning to come into the kitchen. I was looking at the door waiting for Naruto to come. I wasn't sure if I should address what happened earlier or not. Should I tell him I liked him? Probably not. I wasn't sure how I felt about all this. It was so sudden.

I saw him walk inside and begin to help the others with the food. Soon they were done and we all began eating. Naruto didn't talk to me. He didn't even look at me. Maybe I shouldn't have done that before. He probably didn't like it. It had looked like that, but what did I know about such things. I poked at my food. Suddenly I felt someone stare at me. I looked up into Naruto's blue eyes.

"Is there something you wanna say?" I asked, trying to sound like usual. He blushed lightly.

"I was just thinking...You should get a lip or tongue piercing. It would look so good. All the girls would think you look hot. I'm sure of that" He looked so excited over this.

"But wha-" I bit my tongue to stop the words. I wasn't going to ask him if he too would think I would look hot.

"You really should. I know you don't look after girls right now. But trust me. Someday you will find somebody you like and you would want to look as good as possible to get their attention. And with something like this you would."

"Do you like piercings?"

"Yeah, I tried to get Sasuke to wear one after the first time I read that book Seth is in. Seth wears one and I thought it was cool. But Sasuke didn't want one. He thought it would ruin his reputation. But yeah, piercings look good don't they". He looked dreamily out into nothing. I scraped my fork against the plate noisily to distract him from his thoughts.

Would Naruto like me more, would he give me more attention if I got one? Would he forget Sasuke and Seth? I wasn't even sure if he liked them like that. I wasn't even sure if I should really feel jealous, as that guy meant I was, of Seth since he wasn't more than a fictional character. I shook my head. No, I wouldn't do it just because he wanted me too.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Gaara's POV

I sighed. What was I doing here? Was I really going to do this just because he wanted it? I sighed again and opened the door. The bell echoed through the shop signalling a new customer had walked in. I walked towards the counter and patiently waited for someone to come. Soon after a girl with tattoos up and down both her arms came in from the back. She had turquoise dreadlocks and a bridge piercing.

"Hello, how can I help you?"

"I want a piercing" I started a bit unsure. She smiled at me.

"What kind?" What kind.. I didn't know. Which kind did I want? The kind that makes him like you, a small voice whispered. My cheeks felt a little hotter.

"Uhm.. a lip piercing"

"Which one?" Which one. Was there more than one kind? This was getting harder than I had thought. Maybe it was naive of me to think I could just walk in, get one, and then out again. Did I really have to think about this?

"I want one here" I pointed where I thought I would look good.

"Alright, then come with me". She showed me the way into another room and I sat down in a weird chair. She began talking about the procedure, but I just tuned her out. I had enough with one talkative person in my life. And frankly Naruto talked for more than one person, so I didn't have the patient to listen to anyone other than him.

But what should I do now. Apparently I was in love with him, but what did that mean. Should I start to act different around him? Should I say something? Do something? I didn't know. Maybe I should try and touch him more? Make him use to it. I suddenly remembered what happened that time Sai had touched him. The deep marks on his arms, the blood... Did he still do something like that? Or maybe he does something worse? I sighed. I should probably just start with helping him to stop hurting himself first and then try to help him with the touching and stuff. Hopefully I am able to do something.

"Do you want a spike or a ball?" She said loudly. She had probably asked me before, and raised her voice since I didn't reply.

Naruto's POV

I looked at the clock. There was still so long until the class was over. The teacher had left us to write a paper. We were free to walk if we wanted, but since I had a class after this it felt kinda pointless.

"How is it going?" I head a girl's voice behind me. She leaned a bit over me, to read what I was writing.

"It's alright" I said trying to distract myself. I could feel the warmth her body was radiating. She put her hand on my shoulder.

"Hi, my name is Tenten" I could feel the panic slowly building in me.

"Hi, I'm Naruto" Her hand began moving slowly up and down my arm.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go out and have a cup of coffee in the cafeteria? It's kind of boring to sit by yourself, don't you think?" I tried to keep my breathing steady.

"Yeah, but unfortunately I don't have time" I said apologetic. She moved closer, wrapping her arms around my own.

"Are you sure?" Out! Out! I need to get out from here right now.

"I have to go" I said quickly and pushed everything on my table into my bag, not caring that it got wrinkled. I ran through the halls, looking for somewhere to hide. Faster, faster. I need to get away. I spotted the bathroom. I ran inside and closed the door. I threw my bag somewhere and leaned against the sink. I clenched hard around the sink trying to fool myself into thinking my hands weren't shaking. I hated it. Hated not having any control over my own body. I turned on the water and splashed a handful onto my face. I tried to breathe normally and keep the memories under lock and key.

I moved over to the corner and sat down. I always felt safer like this. I couldn't be attacked like this unknowingly. My nails dug into my arms. Harder and harder, making the pain almost unbearable. Suddenly Gaara's angry face appeared in my mind. He didn't like when I did these things. I removed my fingers and began scratching the floor instead to keep me distracted. I won't do it. I won't do it. I began chanting inside my head. Do it. You have to do it.

I shook my head. I won't do it. I won't do it. It'll make it stop and you want it to stop wont you?. I slowly nodded. I did want it to stop. I didn't like feeling like this. I wanted it to be over as fast as possible. Then do it. You don't want to end up in there again. In the darkness.. with him. My shaking got worse. I couldn't end up in there. I wouldn't. Not again. Every time I blinked, I was back in the darkness for a split second. Not again, not again. I was awake. This wasn't a nightmare. Do it. Gaara wouldn't like it, I tried to reason. He isn't here. Do it. Images of my fingers digging into my skin and ripping it off flashed through my mind. Stop. Make it stop. I won't. You have too. It always helps. Just do it and it will be over.

Gaara's POV

The pain had quickly subsided, and I was instead filled with a new feeling. I was nervous. I still didn't know what I should do with Naruto. And what about the piercing. I didn't know which kind he liked. What if he thought this looked weird. I sighed. All these feelings were making me weird.

It was still too early to go to the kitchen, so I went back to my room instead. I turned on my computer and decided to try and find out what this love and relationship thing was. But what about Naruto? I still wasn't sure what he was feeling. He hadn't said anything about the kiss yesterday. I remembered he didn't seem disgusted or frightened. I felt something flutter inside my stomach. It was almost like a warm, tickling feeling. Maybe he liked it. Could he like me? He hadn't shown much interest in other people.

Sai I could handle, since he is just a jerk, and Seth… he isn't real. And Naruto can't really like someone who isn't real, right. But Sasuke. I can't do anything about him. I doesn't even have to threaten him, beat him or beg him to keep him away from Naruto. He has already left him. And even then.. it wouldn't change Naruto's feelings. He is so loyal. He even got angry when I said something bad about him. Does he like him... or love him? He said he was his best friend. But maybe he don't like boys. He hasn't told me he's gay. I sighed. Why is this so hard?

Naruto's POV

I had finally calmed down. I got up again and washed my arms clean from blood. I felt embarrassed and weak. How could it be that I had to do this to get my control back, why couldn't I just be normal? And what about Gaara? What would he say now? I sighed. Gaara's face had kept appearing in my mind after I had panicked, which was weird. Normally it's just a voice screaming red alert, red alert, get away. Find someplace to hide. And this enormous feeling of panic.

Has he really wormed his way so deep into me that I actually think about him when I'm in that condition? And I was beginning to be able to touch him too. That hadn't happened before. And that kiss. Could it be…? Did I really like him that much? I though about it. Did I want to be in a relationship with him? Did I mind him being with others? Did I maybe want to kiss him again?

I sighed and rubbed my face. Fuck. This really complicated things. I really did love him. But how should I get his attention. It was hard enough to get him to want to be friends, so how in the world should I make him want to be lovers? No. If I had thought like this before I would never have been friends with him. I just have to keep on trying and trying until I get him. Belive it.

I smiled. I didn't know how, I didn't know if he was even gay, but somehow I would make him love me.

I was hiding behind a wall, waiting. I looked around the corner and looked down the hallway. I saw Gaara walking this way. I had waited for a while now, but finally Gaara is here. I count and then stepped out. I bump into him and pretended to almost fall. I looked up and smiled at him… but it was only Kiba.

"Hey, how's it going?" I tried to hide my disappointment. I looked over his shoulder and saw Gaara had turned around and was going back again.

"It's alright. Lots of homework, but it's fine. How about you?" I talked to him for a while before politely ending the conversation. I hid myself behind the wall again. I peeked around the corner and saw him coming back again. I tried again and this time it was Gaara I bumped into.

"Funny meeting you here" I smiled.

"Not really, we both live here, so it's not that weird." He said monotonous. I tried to laugh. Why is it so hard sometimes?

"Hey" I yelled.

"You have a piercing" I had suddenly noticed his piercing. He had actually gotten a labret piercing. The little silver ball resting right under his lower lip. I chewed slightly on my own lip. That looked really good.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Gaara's POV

"You have a piercing" Naruto yelled. I tried hard not to let my mask slip, but I could feel the warmth in my cheeks. I had gotten one. I had actually gone down there to get a piercing… because of him. He better think it's good or I don't know what I'll do.

"It looks… good" He blushed. It seems like he liked it. And maybe he liked it really much if that blush is anything to go by.

"Hey, stop smirking" Naruto pouted. Smirk. Had I been smirking? Apparently, but I would do it again to see that cute pout. He looked at me weirdly and I noticed I hadn't answered his question, if it really was a question.

"I have" He sighed.

"When and why? I've never heard you talk about wanting a piercing." I shrugged

"I just felt like it."

"Yeah, but w-"

"Aren't you hungry, let's go to the kitchen" I tried to change the subject.

"Yeah, really hungry" Naruto grinned. We began to slowly walk to the kitchen while he began babbling about something. I still have to find out how to help him with his problems. It wasn't something I had tried before. I felt a tug on my sleeve. Naruto was pouting again.

"Are you listening? I asked you a question?" he whined.

"Sorry.. I guess I just zoned out" He shrugged and kept on talking.

Naruto's POV

I buried my face into my pillow. I had had difficulties concentrating all through dinner today. The piercing always glinted in the light which made me look at it, which made me look at his lips, which made me think of our kiss...and about how I wanted that to happen again. I still hadn't found out why that had happened. Why had he kissed me? Maybe I should ask him tomorrow? Or not. Maybe I shouldn't. What if he said it was a mistake or something? That he could never do something like that because he liked me.

"Aaaaarghhh" I screamed into the pillow. Why was this so hard? I looked at the time. It was in the middle of the night. I wanted to see Gaara again. I had had fewer and fewer nightmares lately. It was nice to have a peaceful sleep for once, but somehow I began missing waking up in Gaara's room.

It seemed like I was beginning to be able to touch Gaara, but not anybody else. So maybe I should just practice on him and then slowly get used to touching others. Maybe that is how I can be cured? And we are friends, so I'm sure Gaara wouldn't mind helping me.

I slowly got up, shivering slightly from the cold. I put on a big nightshirt and tiptoed over to Gaara's room. I knocked and soon after Gaara appeared. He let me in and I quickly went over to his bed. I crawled under the covers and looked over at him. He seemed a bit confused, but didn't say anything. I hastily wondered if I should ask him about the kiss now, but my yawned made me think I should wait for another time.

Gaara's POV

Naruto was soon fast asleep. I didn't know why he had come. It didn't seem like he had had a nightmare and I can't come up with any other explanation why he would want to sleep in here. I decided to let him be and went back to my work. I was sitting at my table and writing an assignment. I heard an inaudible mumbling and looked back at him.

Apparently he had been hot, since he had now kicked the covers onto the floor. The shirt was riding up and exposed his legs and lower stomach. I quickly looked away trying to concentrate on my assignment. After a few minutes I found out that that was impossible. I sighed and went over to him. If I just covered him up again I might be able to concentrate again I reassured myself.

I was so close and before I knew it, my hand had reached out and touched his soft skin. My fingers moved from the lower stomach, over his hip and down his thigh. He shifted slightly. I looked up at his face, a bit afraid he would wake up. My fingers drew small circles onto his thigh. A small sound slipped out from his lips. My fingers lingered on his thigh for a bit longer before I took the covers and put over him. I brushed some hair out of his face. And put a soft kiss on his forehead. I went back to my desk and continued writing on my assignment.

After a few hours I had finished it and began getting ready to go to bed. I gently pushed Naruto towards the wall and crawled in behind him. I was lying on my side with my head in my hand, so I could look at Naruto. He looked so childish and innocent when he was sleeping. It's weird to think about how he could go from some annoying brat to someone precious, that I never want to let go off.

My fingers found their way over to his cheek. I don't know why I can't stop touching him when he's asleep. Maybe it's the fact that that is the only time I can actually touch him. I caressed his cheek and my fingers moved over his lips. I had kissed him. I still didn't know what he thought about that. Apparently it wasn't that normal for friends to kiss. But Naruto hadn't said anything about it.

I sighed. I didn't want to think about that right now. Naruto suddenly rolled over to the side and snuggled closer to me. I froze, afraid of what was going to happen next. He began snoring lightly and I let go of the air I was holding in. I couldn't help myself and soon after I found myself kissing him gently.

It wasn't like before. Last time I had been angry… and a bit jealous too. I hadn't really known what I was doing and it all kind of happened so quickly. This time I could really feel his lips against mine. They felt soft too. Soft and warm. My lips hesitantly moved against his. His lips began moving too. I quickly pulled back. What if he woke up? I don't think he would have appreciated that. I turned around and faced away from him.

Naruto's POV

I woke up to the familiar warm feeling I had got to know after I first had slept with Gaara. I snuggled closer and hugged him from behind. My brain still hadn't fully woken up and couldn't come up with a good explanation to why I shouldn't do this. I felt the body I was embracing slowly relaxed.

The tip of my nose touched the nape of his neck. I took a deep breath through my nose and breathed in his scent. I sighed happily. This felt so good. It felt safe and warm and I didn't want to move. Unfortunately Gaara didn't feel like that. I was only allowed to lie there for a short while before I felt him slowly move my arms away and get up. I curled in on my self trying to fall asleep again without my heat source.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Gaara's POV

A couple of days flew by, then weeks, months. Nothing changed. I hadn't become better at dealing with all this. I hadn't been better at masking how much I wanted to monopolize him. I still secretly touched him at night. I sighed. I was beginning to become pathetic. Naruto still hadn't said anything about the kiss, and I didn't want to bring it up.

Even though I have been spending so much time with Naruto I still haven't learned what to say or do when you're together with other people. Some part of me is a bit afraid to say or do something that is seen as inappropriate. I have become so used to him that I'm afraid of him leaving. So it's much better not to mention anything like that ever. I can manage with just touching him secretly and enjoying him snuggling up against me when he's asleep...

Or I thought I could. It's getting harder and harder to restrict myself. Feeling him so close. It's hard, because I always wants more. And I'm afraid he would wake up and notice how close we where. I'm sure that would frighten him. It was also hard living with the knowledge that I could only lie with him like this for a while before he would flinch away from me.

Sometimes I find myself reaching out to touch him. Luckily I manage to stop myself before Naruto sees it. I'm sure he would pull away from me if he knew how much I wanted to touch him. He had told me that he hated it when people touched him after he had told them he didn't like it. He hated that they didn't want to listen to him or respect his requests. I don't want to be like those. But that meant that I couldn't touch him and it probably meant I couldn't talk about it either. I know he don't want to be reminded of it.

Naruto's POV

Since I had realized I was in love with Gaara I have had trouble hiding it. Sometimes when I wake up in the mornings I snuggle up against him, savoring the feeling. I don't know if it's because my mind is in the stage between sleep and conscious but I don't feel bad touching him. It still feels a little weird or abnormal when we touch when I'm fully awake. Maybe I should talk to a shrink. Maybe that person could tell me why I'm feeling like this and how I can be normal. I know the Being normal is boring but still. I want to have normal problems and not being afraid all the time that someone might touch me. I sigh.

"Something wrong?" Gaara asked. We're sitting in his room. He is working on some school stuff while I'm sitting in his bed reading.

"Sometimes I wish I were someone else" I mumbled.

"Why? What is it you want to change? Is there something you regret?"

"Maybe… I don't know, probably" His question surprised me a little. Of course I wished I hadn't experienced that thing with Orochimaru… but there wasn't really anything I regretted. I would still fight with all my might and hope for Sasuke to see reason. Even if I knew what would happen in the end. And I have met Gaara right. That couldn't really be something I regretted. He turned and looked at me.

"I don't regret anything in my life. It's stupid to think like that. No matter what I can't change what have happened, so what's the use in thinking about how it could have been. I can only learn from my experiences and act different next time. You just have to accept that and move forward. But even so there still is a little part of me that regrets the fact that I have met you. I don't like this. Feelings. I'm not use to them. Normally I'm just empty. The days are only passing on the surface. Night, day; Monday, Friday; June, August. Everything just floated together and I just was. I just did what I wanted. Some might think that's a boring life, but that's what I'm use to. That's what I know. This" Gaara pointed at his heart. "This feels weird. I haven't felt like that in a very long time. Now some days feels longer while others are short. I'm becoming aware of so many things. I don't know what to do or what to say. I don't even know what's normal and what's not. I hate that. I hate not having any control. I hate the fact that you can always strip every ounce of control away from me. Why? Can't you just let me live like I use to. It's all so overwhelming. Every little thing just feels like it'll consume me completely. And you evoke so many different feelings all at once. I can't take it. I want them gone."

"I know it's confusing and overwhelming. I know that you having feelings again also means you're going to feel sadness, pain and fear. But look at it this way, you're also going to feel happiness, love and excitement. Isn't that worth it? Don't you feel happy? Don't you look forward to the next day? Aren't the days all passing, and with every day you're changing little by little? Isn't that fun to?" I asked. I hoped so. I could feel myself slowly changing day by day. And I can't remember the last time I felt this good, so of course I hoped he would feel the same.

"I think I feel happy. And I have changed. That's what's wrong. I don't like it. I'm not used to it." He said while frowning.

"Even so.. Something that's new is always frightening, but it's also exciting. You said only a little part regretted it. That must mean you like me just a bit." I joked, but I was actually hoping he would say he liked me. Not just a little, but a lot. But that wouldn't happen. Gaara wouldn't do something like that.

"I do" I froze. He looked so serious.

"You're my first friend, so of course I like you". I tried to smile. I had, just for a tiny moment, hoped he had meant a different like.

"I have to go. See you at dinner" I slowly got up. I had to get out of there. I just couldn't stay with him after this indirect rejection. He didn't say anything as I quickly walked over to the door and got out. I went to my own room and crawled under the covers. I wouldn't cry, I just wouldn't. I kept repeating those words even after I felt the wetness on my cheeks.

Gaara's POV

It was night and I was like usually drawing something. I wasn't even sure what anymore. My mind kept going back to Naruto. He had behaved a little different lately. Almost…distant. I didn't like that. He was usually pushy and energetic, and it felt weird having him act like this. I had decided to ask him what was wrong after he came back from university tomorrow. I wanted to help.

I heard him knock on my door. I slowly got up. Lately he had come here even though he wasn't scared, so I wasn't in a hurry to open anymore. He got over to the bed and lied down like usually. I got back to work and soon after I could hear his soft snoring. I quickly finished so I could lie beside him.

…. Next morning…

I slowly opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was blue. Deep blue eyes were also starring into mine. He blinked a couple of times and rubbed them.

"What time is it?" He mumbled, still half asleep.

"It's early, so you can go back to sleep again" He nodded slowly, but didn't close his eyes. He kept looking at me, and I suddenly noticed how close we were to each other. Before I knew it I had moved slightly forward and pressed my lips against his. I suddenly got aware of what was going on when I felt his lips move hesitantly. What had I done?

Naruto's POV

Omgomgomgomg. Did I just do that? Had I just kissed Gaara. It had been me that moved towards him, right? Or was it him? No it must have been me, he looks so confused. Why did I do this? I have probably ruined everything now. Come on say something clever.

"Pfth eh" I'm toast. Come on! Think brain. Think. He opened his mouth, probably to comment on that kiss, but closed it again. I'm already fucked, I can just as well confess. Yeah, I'll win him over with my charismatic confession.

"I.. uhm. Y-you know." Great now I'm turning into Hinata. What is wrong with me lately? I took a deep breath and looked away.

"I like you" I fiddled with the covers.

"I like you as more than a friend. I don't know if you know anything about that. When we met you didn't even know anything about being friends. And I know you don't know anything about sex either, so I'm guessing you don't think about these things". I knew I was babbling right now. I was just so nervous, and unfortunately that meant that I just talked to get out of the situation.

"I know you don't feel the same and that's fine you know. I just wanted to say it and we can continue acting like always. And uhm..I-" I felt lips pressing against mine again, shutting me up.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

"I know you don't feel the same and that's fine you know. I just wanted to say it and we can continue acting like always. And uhm..I-" I felt lips pressing against mine again, shutting me up.

Gaara's POV

My lips move gently against his. I still feel shocked, happy, warm.. so many feelings. I can't believe he actually likes me. I feel him kiss back and suddenly all questions about how or why is suddenly gone. I tangle my fingers into his messy blonde locks and pull him closer. I tentatively open my mouth and stick my tongue out. I move it against his plump lips before gently biting into it. I hear a small mewl and pull at it with my teeth. He pulls away and is panting softly.

A sudden panic makes me quickly begin kissing down kiss jaw line. The small fear in the back of my head rushes me on. I'm afraid of him wanting to stop this. I have finally gotten permission to touch him. This is the first time we're touching while we're both awake and without him being frightened like the first time he touched me.

So the little voice in my head that tells me that this is only temporary, that soon he'll tell me to stop makes me anxious. I just want to do all the things I have dreamt about before it'll end. I want to touch him everywhere at once. But I'm also afraid to overload him, to just take it one step to far. I'm afraid to find that one step that makes him frightened again. I'm afraid to continue but also afraid I will lose this opportunity if I don't hurry up.

My mouth moves over his neck and I hear him gasp. I hesitantly bite into his neck and feel his body shiver against mine. I suddenly feel his warm hands on my hips. I gently push him back onto the bed and hover over him. I wasn't really sure what to do. I ended up straddling his hips and moving my hands under his shirt. The feel of his smooth skin made my skin tingle in a weird way.

I decided to just take it slowly and try to figure out along the way how to do this. I wanted to ask Naruto what to do, but I was afraid to break whatever this thing was. Afraid voicing it out would ruin it. Naruto took my hand and moved it up to his face. He rubbed his cheek against the inside of my hand.

"It feels… weird" He said softly not looking at me. Weird? Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

"It's been so long since I last was able to touch someone. Somehow with you it's not nauseating.. but it still feels unnatural. Like my body has forgotten the feeling and doesn't know what to feel about it. But at the same time I feel this warm, comfortable feeling inside" He smiled at me and I couldn't help but lean down and kiss him again.

"Can I..?" I mumbled against his lips and pulled at his shirt. He understood the question and nodded slightly. I leaned up again and began pulling his shirt off. I glided my hands down his chest. When my finger brushed against his nipple I heard a small moan. I had no idea what I was doing but I slowly flicked my finger over it again. Nothing really happened so I tried again by pinching it softly. This time I was rewarded with another small moan.

I leaned down and kissed from his neck down to his collarbone. I softly scraped my teeth over the skin and heard him suck in the air through his teeth. I kissed further down his chest. My mouth moved around his nipple and I tenderly sucked it into my mouth. He squirmed under me.

Naruto's POV

His breath feels so warm against my skin. The warmth stands in contrast to the cold feeling of the piercing I sometimes feel brush against my skin. I can feel his tongue licking a trail down my stomach and dipping it into my navel. I can feel him sit up again and I open my eyes. He looks down with a confused expression on his face.

His hand slowly moves down to the top of my pants. He tries to unbutton them, but I quickly grab his hand. I don't want to go too far. I'm still not sure how much my body can take. He smiles at me and leans down to give me a small kiss before he continues touching my body. I can't do anything else but to close my eyes and remind myself that it's Gaara.

I feel his lips against mine again. I suddenly feel a harsh bite on my lips and I can't help but gasp. Immediately a tongue is plunged into my mouth, exploring every part of my mouth. I feel my body heating up. My mind feels mushy. Like I'm drunk. I can't really think I just want him closer. Want to feel him even more.

Gaara's teeth marks their way down my neck before he bites into my nipple. I can't help but muffle a moan. This is all happening so quickly. Maybe a bit too quickly. I wanted to talk to him about this. I wanted to hear what he had to say to my confession. I try to push him away, but he just tightens his grip on my hips. His nails digging into my skin. I can feel the warmth in my body moving down. I can feel myself slowly becoming hard, and suddenly I realize what is happening.

Gaara's POV

I suddenly feel a hard push against my chest. I look down at Naruto, feeling a bit confused. His cheeks looks flushed and his lips are plump and wet. I want to kiss him again, but then I suddenly notice his eyes. He looks.. confused.. and maybe a bit scared. I quickly move away from him. I must have done something. I must have touched him in a wrong way.. touched him too much. I didn't want this to happen.

I had decided to take it slowly, to be gentle. I wanted him to know I would never hurt him… but somewhere along the way something just.. I don't know. I don't really remember what happened, it all happened in a daze. It felt like my head was getting cloudy and I could really think.

"Sorry" I whisper softly, suddenly becoming too afraid to look at him.

"It's okay… I was just… uhm, surprised." I look up and see him fiddling with the bed sheets. He had pulled his knees up to his chest and had wrapped his arms around his legs. The silence filled the room and I didn't know what to say to make this go away.

"Actually.. I was afraid" I was shocked.

"I would never hurt you" I said quickly. Had I really messed up so bad?

"I wasn't really afraid of you.. it's just.. I'm not used to this. So it was kind of overwhelming.. But I.. uhm.. I take it you like me too then?"

"I do.. Really much. The lazy guy even said I'm in love with you.." I don't know why I said that.. I'm just not sure how people do these things.

"Oh. If he said that then it must be true" Naruto grinned. I couldn't help but give him a soft smile. It was nice hearing him laugh again. I lied down on the bed and patted the spot beside me.

"Wanna lie down for a little longer?" He smiled and hesitantly snuggled up to me. This was probably the first time we lied so close when we were both awake.

Naruto's POV

I stretch my body and slowly open my eyes. I look at Gaara who is still lying beside me. I nuzzle his neck and sigh. He is still here. Did I really confess? Did he actually say that he liked me back? Then that means we're… boyfriends now? This feels so absurd. This can't be real. I'm sure that I will wake up and I'll be all alone like always. Because… How can this be real? How can anyone like me? How can they accept me as I am? I'm broken, messed up. There is something wrong with me. So this can't be real.

I look at Gaara again. But if it's all a dream, then I want to stay here a little longer. I snuggle closer to him and breathe in his scent.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Gaara's POV

I slowly opened my eyes. Naruto was still here. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer. I inhaled his scent and sighed. This was nice. I can't remember I have been happier than at this moment. I ran my hand down his arm and interlocked our fingers. I had felt the small marks on his arm. I knew it would be wishful thinking that he would stop harming himself just because we had said we loved each other.

I nuzzled him. I didn't want this to continued, but I didn't know how to stop it. But it had to stop. What if it got worse? What if he ended up really hurting himself? He could die. I shook my head to get rid of the thought.

A while later I could feel him shift and turn in his sleep and soon after he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"Morning" I whispered into his ear. He giggled and turned in his arms so he faced me.

"Morning" He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and looked away shyly. I couldn't stop the small smile that graced my lips. He was just too adorable. I loosened my grip on him and scooted away a little. I sighed. I had to talk to him now, even if it could ruin this happy feeling.

"I have to talk to you about something?" He looked curiously at me.

"What?"

"It's about you hurting yourself" He paled.

"Oh.. W-what do you…" He looked away.

"I don't want you doing it anymore" I said firmly.

"It's not so easy" He said softly.

"I have to. I don't want to.." He took a deep breath "I just want it to stop"

"Then come to me. Next time you feel bad, just find me. Don't do this again. Promise me" I tried to get eye contact. He looked down at the bed

"Promise me" I said a little more forcefully.

"Okay" I almost didn't hear it, but decided that it was fine and that I should give him a break from this conversation. I kissed his cheek

"Good."

We decided to stay in bed and enjoy each others company for a little while longer before we had to get up and meet the others.

I knew Naruto wanted things like holding hands, kissing, feeding each other and such things. I knew it since I could see how sad he became and from his longing glances at the other couples in the kitchen. I wanted to give him that too, but I also knew he wouldn't be able to handle that yet. We walked towards the kitchen and I was very aware of the small and quick touched we shared from time to time. I let him do what he was most comfortable with, and therefore I kept my distance.

He went over to the kitchen counter and began making both our breakfasts. I found a seat and sat down.

"Someone looks happy" One of the boys came into the kitchen. I saw the small blush on Naruto's cheeks

"Yeah"

"Did something good happen?" Naruto nodded

"Maybe you and your girlfriend are doing well?" The boy said with a smirk. Naruto's blush intensified. He looked over at me and then back down at the ground.

"Me and my… b-boyfriend are doing well. I just found out he liked me too" I almost couldn't hear him. The other boy looked shocked for a short while before he smiled.

"That's great. I hope you will be happy. Is it someone I know?" He asked excited. Naruto glanced over at me again.

"Uhm…" He said nervously.

"Yeah. It's me. So I would advice you to keep your hands off of him" He looked between us.

"So you guys… Hmm.. Can't say I didn't see it coming. If anyone could make that guy more human it's you Naruto." The boy looked at his watch

"Shit. I'm late. See you later Naruto" The boy ran out the door. Naruto came back with the food and gave me one of the plates.

"Thanks…" I frowned.

"What are you thanking me for?" I asked confused.

"For not denying being with me". I offered him a small smile.

"Of course I won't. Someone has to make them keep their distance" Naruto smiled.

"I'm glad Kiba wasn't disgusted with me." I was relief as well. I knew how upset it would have made him and then I would have had to do something about that Kiba guy.

We ate and went back to Naruto's room so he could change and get his things for school.

Naruto kissed my cheek and went out the door. I went back to my own room and sat by my table and found my assignment. I started to work on it, but I couldn't concentrate. My mind kept going back to yesterday. I hadn't had any idea what I was doing but it felt so good. Before I knew it, my fingers had taking me to new websites that hadn't anything to do with my school work. I wanted to make it feel good for him. Maybe I could get him to forget about his issues.

I found websites after websites and read and read. It was a whole new world for me and I couldn't fully understand all they were writing about. By accident I found my way into a bdsm website. Pleasure from pain. That sounded weird. Naruto couldn't like something like that. I wouldn't be able to hurt him. My mind suddenly showed me memory after memory. Me harshly biting into his lip. My fingernails drawing blood from his arms. Him moaning as I bite his nipple. Me tightening my grip on his hips and digging my nails into his skin. The memories keep on coming.

Maybe… Maybe we actually like this a little. But.. I wouldn't do anything before I had talked to him. I knew he had a lot of problems with physical contact, even now, even with me. So I wouldn't make matters worse by doing something like this. I quickly closed all the sites and tried to focus on my homework again. I haven't seen him in a couple of hours and I was somehow feeling restless.

Naruto's POV

It was a few days since we had officially became boyfriends. I still had trouble touching him freely and it was even harder if it was him touching me. But we were slowly making progress. Or I was hoping we were. I had just gotten home from school. I decided to go get something to eat before I went to see Gaara again. I went to the kitchen and saw Sai sitting by the table. Sai and Gaara still didn't get along well, so I hadn't talked to him much. I felt a little guilty and went to sit beside him.

"Hey, how are you?" He looked at me.

"Fine. I'm trying to get a clue on how to help you" He said and I could sense excitement in his seemingly expressionless voice and body language. I still had a hard time reading him sometimes. I sighed. I had been force to give him a reason after Gaara had threatening him to stay away from me. I still didn't feel comfortable talking about my past, so I just told him I didn't feel comfortable when other people touched me.

"This book said that you have had a traumatic experience and that's why you can't touch other". I nodded. Tell me something I don't know. I knew he was just trying to help and that I shouldn't be rude, but I just didn't like having him look into my past.

"And I have read that you have to confront what you're afraid of to get better. So we just have to find out what you should confront"

"It's fine Sai. You don't have to do this. I will get over it soon." I hoped he wouldn't keep trying to help. I had a bad feeling that it wouldn't go too well. I put my plate on the table and began eating. Suddenly I felt a hand touched my cheek. The fingers brushing over the scars

"You still haven't told me how you got these" My breathing quickened.

"I think I'll just eat this in my room" I got up.

"Stay, I'll keep you company." little Naru-chan. Don't worry, I'll keep you company a voice in my head echoed. The voice sending shivers down my spine. I dropped the plate. I could still feel the warmth from Sai's hands on my cheeks. Suddenly it felt like hands slowly glided over my skin. I felt sharpness. A scorching pain and fear. The fear overwhelmed all my other senses other than the feeling of someone setting my cheeks on fire. I ran blindly out the kitchen. Gaara. I had to find Gaara. I got to his door but it was locked. My knees crumbles and I fell to the floor.

I'm starring straight ahead. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. A voice inside my head told me. Too much! Breathe slower, you're hyperventilating now. The voice was beginning to panic.

"Up" I felt someone grab my arm and pulled me up.

"We have to get you to your room. I know you don't want to be seen like this".

"Shika.. I.." I was hyperventilating too much. My breathing was so shallow I was almost choking myself.

"You need Gaara, don't you?" He said seriously. All I could do was nod. He had to drag me to my room. My body wasn't cooperating anymore, and my mind was slipping away from time to time. Slipping away to that place. He pushed me onto my bed.

"I'll go find him. So try to stay calm" He was quickly out the door again. I tried to focus on the world around me, but I still felt trapped in my nightmare. I had opened eyes. My eyes were opened. Why. I wasn't sleeping. This wasn't supposed to happen. I wasn't sleeping. Please. Please make it stop

Gaara's POV

I ran with all my might. Of course this had to happen the only time I was leaving my room for a bit. I was just thankful that Shikamaru had come and got me. I opened the door and locked it behind me. Naruto looked over at me. He began crawling towards me. I was a little freaked out. I still didn't know how to handle these situations. He stretched his arms out towards me. For a split second I touch he wanted a hug, but it was naive of me to think he would be able to handle such things in this condition.

"Please" He begged.

"Please. Touch me" He was sobbing so badly now. I stiffened. I couldn't believe he had just said that.

"Touch me, hurt me. Do something to make me realise I'm right here and not back a that place. Please make me realise you're here and I'm not alone anymore" Hurt him. Did he want me to hurt him just like he usually hurt himself? I fell to my knees in front of him and reached out to touch him. I felt the dampness on his cheeks. I had no idea what to do. This was a shot in the dark. It could work or it could make it all worse. I sank, my throat suddenly felt so dry.

"He made you associate gentle touches with fear and pain. Let me change that. Let me make your brain and body connect pain with pleasure and love instead. Maybe then you won't fear pain so much" I felt him nod. I took a deep breath and decided this was the best plan I had right now.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Gaara's POV

I entangled my fingers in his hair and pulled him closer. I nibbled on his lower lip before harshly biting into it. He gasped and I pushed my tongue in between his lips. I coaxed his tongue to move with my own. My other hand grabbed his hip and pulled him flush against myself. I was exploring every part of his mouth and it felt heavenly. I pulled his head to the side by the grip on his hair. I began sucking and biting down his neck.

I could still feel him being distant, so I tightened my hold on his hair, pulling to get his attention. I heard him muffle a moan and soon after his hands hesitantly touch my arms. Naruto ran his tongue across my piercing before taking my whole bottom lip into his mouth. I pulled away and our breaths mingled. I kissed down his jaw and began nibbling on his neck.

He wasn't really here with me. I could feel it. I sunk my teeth into his flesh. His breath hitched and he tightened his grip on my arms. I released my hold on his hair and moved my hands down his body. It felt so good to be touching him. To feel his body under my hands. But I wanted more. I wanted skin against skin. Chest against chest. I pulled away to remove our shirts and threw them somewhere on the floor. I ran my fingers over his chest and down his sides.

His skin felt so soft and so… untainted. Some animalistic part of me wanted to mark it. To put my mark all over his body so no one would ever touch him again. I got up and pulled him with me. I gently pushed him onto the bed and straddled him. I began to caress his body. Arms, chest, sides. Just getting lost in the feeling. Suddenly I felt a hand on mine and looked up.

"You can continue… if you want" Naruto's voice seemed to frail and hesitant. I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I wasn't sure if I managed that. I leaned down and kissed him, hoping I really could manage to help him get his mind off of this. This time I felt his lips move against mine and felt his tongue glide over my lips asking for entrance. I couldn't do anything other than to part my lips and welcome him. The feeling of his tongue moving against mine, touching, seeking, rubbing.

The stiffness in me was slowly melting away and I tried to grind my hips against Naruto's. He seemed to like it from the sounds coming from his throat. My fingers moved over his chest again, brushing against his nipples. I felt his breath hitch and he moved his head to breathe again. My mouth felt empty, so I kissed down his chest and timidly lapped at his nipple. He squeaked and I sucked on it. My hand began to tweak and roll the other nipple.

I could feel all the blood slowly running down between my legs and while my mouth and hands were working on his nipples, I couldn't help but to buck against Naruto. I could feel him slowly move his hips too, and the movement made me aware that he too had a little problem between his legs. I decided his nipples had gotten enough attention and began kissing further down, licking a trail down to his navel. I dipped my tongue into it, feeling him move into my touch. I could feel him burry his hands in my hair.

Naruto's POV

I desperately tried to push him further down. I needed some relief. My pants were so tight it was beginning to hurt. Luckily I could soon feel hands fumbling with unbuttoning my pants. Gaara roughly pulled them off as I tried to lift my hips. He tossed the pants away and I could feel something warm and moist on my thigh. I felt him suck on my skin before he soothingly licks over the mark. His mouth moving up until I felt his teeth scrape against my hipbone.

My body was beginning to heat up from his all the things he did to me. He began to rub against my crotch. He still hadn't removed my boxers, but the feeling still made me arch my back. I reached out for him. Wanting to feel him. I grasped his hair and pulled him closer, clashing our lips together. Our teeth came more and more into play and soon I could feel the metallic taste of blood mixed with our saliva.

I felt myself tensing as I felt his fingers starting to pull at my boxers. This was still so new for me and I was slightly nervous. Gaara quickly distracted me as I felt him suck above my pulse. The cold air reached my sensitive skin as the boxers were now lying on the ground. Gaara loosely gripped my member and spread the pre-cum with his thumb. I couldn't help but hum in appreciation. The pre-cum made the skin more slick, helping him keep a steady, slow pace.

I turned my head to smash my lips against his again. I caught his bottom lip and sucked it into my mouth, gently tugging at it with my teeth. I almost felt the growl more than I heard it. The sound making me shiver with excitement. I released his lip and ran my tongue over the little metal stud under it. He pulled away and his nails scratched down my chest. The feeling made my skin tingle. It wasn't so deep that the skin broke, but just deep enough that I could feel a slight sting.

Gaara's hand picked up the pace and I couldn't do anything but throw my head back and tried to keep my moans in. Suddenly the feeling of his hand was gone and something warm and moist was taking its place. My breathing was beginning to come out in short huffs. His tongue swirled around my member as his head began bobbing up and down. It was overwhelming. Everything stopped working inside my brain for a bit before he pulled away again. I couldn't stop the whine coming out of my mouth at the loss. Gaara heard it and smirked.

"W-why did you stop?" I was having a heard time talking normally from the loss of breath.

"Stop what?" He asked teasingly.

"You know what" I said, trying not to blush.

"No, that's why I'm asking" He said almost innocently. Of course. It's just typical that he was going to be talkative right now.

"S-suck me" I could feel the warmth rush to my cheeks as I tried to not look away.

"That colour suits you well" He chuckled. I leaned up to kiss him, hoping to distract him from this conversation.

"So impatient" He whispered huskily against my lips. He sat up and I felt his hands move over my skin. I felt my flesh heat up under his touch. I felt fingers brush against my cheeks, following the scars and suddenly the warm feeling inside me turned cold. The safe feeling of being under him began to feel suffocating. Bits and pieces from my nightmare began to surface.

Gaara's POV

He was desperately trying to push me away and I could see the rising panic in his eyes. I grabbed both of his wrists and pushed them into the bed.

"Look at me" I growled. He looked in my direction, but his eyes were still unfocused. Fuck. I just messed it up again. I tightened my grip on his hands and kissed him. Nipping, sucking, biting every bit of flesh I could reach, trying to get some kind of reaction.

"It's fine.. I'm fine" a soft voice said after a while. He was still breathing too fast, almost choking on the air as he tried not to cry. I slowly released his hands and wiped the few stray tears away from his face with my thumbs.

"It's alright. It's just me" I gave him a gentle kiss.

"Sshh.." I tried to comfort him in some way, but felt completely at a loss. I hugged him tightly, so he could feel I was still there beside him. He was slowly getting calmer and calmer. He looked up at me, waiting for me to continue. His breathing finally normal, but I could still feel his irregularly beating heart in his chest. The proof that he wasn't fully over it.

"Let's just continue"

"Are you sure?" I was a bit hesitant after this. I didn't want it to get worse. I felt his hands push me down and he straddled me this time. I guess he needed to have a little control now. To know we would only touch if he initiated it. I lied down and relaxed. I didn't like taking the submissive role, but I would bear with it if he would feel a bit better. He began to unbuttoned my pants and removes both them and my boxers.

I felt a bit exposed lying like this. But I soon forgot about my insecurities as I felt a hand on my member. I had gotten limp again from his little relapse, but it was slowly getting hard again from his touch. He stroked me a couple of times before I felt his breath against my sensitive flesh. I felt his tongue glide up and down my member, before he finally took the whole thing into his mouth. I gasped. It was unlike any feeling I had ever felt before. I couldn't help but buck up into his mouth from the feeling. I quickly regretted it when I felt Naruto cough around me.

"Sorry" I tried to say. Everything just felt so unreal, I hadn't really any control over my body anymore. All these new sensations. I have never felt them before. I want more. I always want more when Naruto was involved. He sucked harder, his hand rubbing the bit he couldn't reach with his mouth. There was something building up inside of me. Bigger and bigger. And suddenly it felt like I exploded. It was a weird feeling hearing myself moan. I looked at Naruto with half-lidded eyes. I felt so spend already.

Naruto was panting too. A trail of something white slid down his chin. When my brain finally worked and I realized it was my own cum, I couldn't help but shiver. I sat up and lunged on top of him. I kissed him again and could taste myself on his tongue. I grabbed his almost limp member and began stroking him again. As I watched him moan and squirm underneath me, I could feel myself getting harder. I didn't know much about how to do this, but I was sure I needed lube since it was his first time. I got up and moved to my drawer. Luckily I had bought a bottle the other day. I got back on the bed and dropped it beside us.

"Turn around" I could feel him tense up again.

"It's fine. I won't really hurt you" He nodded and slowly moved to lie on his stomach. I grabbed his hips and moved him upwards.

"Stay like that". I caressed the skin and before I knew it I had smacked one of his buttocks. I heard a whimper and began kneading the flesh. I leaned down, scraping my teeth over the soft skin, before I pushed my teeth into it. I opened the lube and poured some into my hand. I wrapped my arm around him to stroke him. While he was distracted I slowly pushed one finger inside him. I honestly had no idea what I was doing. I tried my best to listen for any sound of him being uncomfortable or in pain. I didn't hear anything and began to slowly push it in and out. After a short while I put the second finger inside. This time I hear a sound, but didn't know if he was hurt. He didn't say anything about stopping, so I cautiously continued. When the third fingers joined the others, I felt his body tense.

"Are you alright?"

"I think so" He didn't sound right. I slowly pushed them inside and felt him relax more and more by each push. After a little while he even began moaning softly. Encouraged by the sound I began picking up the pace.

"M-more.. I want more" I wouldn't deny him that, especially since I was rock-hard and aching to get inside him. I smeared lube onto myself and slowly pushed inside. He groaned in discomfort, so I stayed still. After he had gotten used to the feeling I felt him wiggle and couldn't help but buck into him. He moaned and I began pushing inside him again and again. I grabbed his hips and used them to make my thrusts harder and make them reach deeper inside him.

I felt him tensing around me and my nails dug into his skin. The tightness was becoming almost unbearable and I soon reached climax. I kept stroking Naruto and soon after he came too. I pulled out and collapsed beside him. I pulled the covers over us and snuggled up to him. I wrapped my arms around him and felt him move a bit in my hold. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent. Even though I was exhausted, my mind wouldn't keep still. I was jumping between feeling euphoric over finally having sex with him. Finally having marked him as mine. But I was also scared. This just showed me that I couldn't do this. I had always believed that somehow I would be enough. That I would magically cure him. I sighed.

"Is something wrong?" Naruto asked worriedly. "Do you regret it?" His voice sounded so frail.

"Of course not" I said quickly. "I could never regret this.. it's just" I didn't know how to say this properly.

"I was thinking… maybe you should see a shrink" I said softly.


	30. Epilogue

Epilogue

Naruto's POV

"If you could change it, so you never had met that teacher would you?" Dr. Shizune said slowly.

"Yes," I answered immediately. Of course I would. She nodded and wrote something down.

"Even though it would change the way things are now?" I nodded

"Especially because it would change things. I wouldn't be such a freak. I would be normal. Have friends, normal conversations, normal fears… I would be happy." I said quietly.

"Why do you think that? How can you be so sure you'll be happy if you didn't meet him"

"Because I would be normal" I said immediately. "I know its boring being normal. I don't mind being a little weird. Those people are usually pretty fun to be around" I couldn't help but smile and think about all those at home. Kiba, Sai, Shikamaru... I liked being together with everyone and they each had their own quirk.

"But me… I'm not weird. I don't have that fun quirk that makes me special and good company. I'm a freak. I just… I just hope I can go back to how I was before". I felt the knot in my stomach tighten. My hands were shaking a little, but I tried to conceal it by fiddling with the hem of my t-shirt.

"But if you went back you wouldn't be with Gaara?" I hesitated. Would I really do it then? My stomach churned. Never be friends with him. Never to be able to kiss him, to hug him. I sighed. "No… I don't think I would be able to do it. I would never leave him until he asks me to do so."

"Why do you assume he would that?"

"Because I'm too much trouble. I'm not… I" I took a shaky breath.

"What exactly is it about you that you don't think is good enough for him? Because from the short meeting with him it seemed to me he really liked you." Dr. Shizune asked gently.

I sighed "I'm not really that bright and happy person anymore. Inside I'm not… I don't feel….I don't feel whole, or like….right?" I mumbled. It was hard to put words on it. "I don't think I can ever forget what happened. I hurt myself, or I did. I can't help but feel disgusted whenever I look at my body.. all those marks. I know Gaara is rough with me for my sake. But I still feel sickened when I look at the marks he leaves on my body. He shouldn't have to do that. He should be happy… with someone who is- erm- who isn't messed up like me." By now my voice sounded weird because of the lump in my throat and I could taste blood in my mouth from biting the inside of my cheek. She gave me a gentle smile

"You're not a freak. You've come a long way. You have stopped hurting yourself, so you should be proud of yourself for that. I know how hard that was for you"

"I guess. And thanks by the way, those techniques have really helped me to not hurt myself again. I still have the urges and some really macabre thoughts… And they scare me. I'm frightened by how far out I was and I don't think I could have done it without you"

"I'm just glad I could be of use. But see. You're getting better and better. How is it going with the physical contact since last time?"

"Uhm… When I'm in a good mood I can easily be together with Gaara.. and as long as someone isn't giving me a surprise hug, I can touch the people I'm feeling comfortable around. My cheeks are still a no-go, but it's not as bad as before since Gaara is slowly trying to get me to feel comfortable being touched there too" I said happily.

"But you still have bad days?" She said and seemed a little worried. "I thought we had made good progress the last couple of sessions, since the nightmares weren't as frequent anymore" She sounded like she really felt bad about it, and that was what made me comfortable with talking about these kind of things with her.

"They are getting better. Gaara knows how to act around me when I'm having a bad day and he knows what to say to the others. I haven't really talked to the others about it. But I have noticed they keep some space between us, so I guess Gaara told them something" I shrugged. I didn't like talking about these things with the others, and I'm sure Gaara knew that.

"He really loves you" She smiled at me.

"I know… But I still can't see why" I said despondent.

She sighed loudly. "You really have to stop thinking like that, but I guess we will continue working on it next time. We're almost finished for today. I think it went well today, what do you think?" She said in a warm tone.

"I guess.." I swallowed a little thickly and nodded "Yeah, I think it went okay."

She got up reached her hand out towards me. I slowly took her hand and shook it. I felt the usual weird tingling feeling down my spine. It felt like my body was telling me it wasn't normal to touch others, but it was progress from the disgust and fear I felt before. This feeling could be ignored.

Gaara's POV

I looked at the clock. He was almost done with the session. I was contemplating whether I should call him or not. I was always a little worried when he had an appointment. I could still remember the time he came home and went straight to his room and wouldn't talk to me. Luckily I had a spare key and after some persuasion I finally got him to talk.

Apparently they had used that whole session to talk about his relationship with Sasuke. He had been so angry at her. Telling me again and again how she had just twisted everything he had said around. That she said things about Sasuke that wasn't true. It had been hard to listen to it. I knew why he was angry. I could hear the emotion behind it all. He sounded so hurt by the things she had said. So hurt by the fact that Sasuke had just left.

I knew that but it hurt to see him cry over another person. It meant that that person meant a lot to him. A lot more than maybe I did. I shook my head. I shouldn't think like that. I was just beginning to feel a little uneasy since he began the sessions. I could see him change slowly. He was getting better and better and a part of me was scared.

I was exhilarated over the fact that I could now touch him almost all the time, but I could see that the privilege of touching him was something I didn't have to myself anymore. He was now beginning to be able to touch others and I hated that. I had felt special before. I was the only one he had told all those things about, the only one he would touch, the one he would come to when he felt bad… now he talked to her about everything.

I sighed. I shouldn't feel like this. He was happier now. He didn't sneak into my room all the time because of nightmares anymore. He didn't hurt himself, even though I had felt uneasy every time he looked a little too long at some of the knives in the kitchen sometimes. He was finally beginning to get his biggest wish fulfilled. He was beginning to be normal. I should just stay on the sidelines and help him.

I looked down at my assignment and tried to finish it before he came home.

Naruto's POV

I knocked on Gaara's door. I always needed to be with him after these sessions. Somehow Gaara mended the feeling of being ripped open and observed that I sometimes felt when I went there.

"Back again" Gaara said as he opened the door "How did it go?"

"It was.. ok" I shrugged. We had talked mostly about how I was feeling about myself this time. He didn't ask anymore and I knew he could feel my reluctance to talk about it.

"It's not because I don't want you too know."

"It's fine. We don't have to talk about it" He slipped back in his monotone voice. I grabbed his arms and looked into his eyes.

"Stop doing this. Don't cut me off all the time. If you have a problem with me tell me. I'm working so hard to be someone who can be beside you, so if there's something I should change say it" He looked shocked and then suddenly anger took over.

"WHAT" I tried to come up with the reason why he should be angry.

"You're the one cutting me off. You don't talk about your sessions at all, unless I force it out of you. Why can't you talk to me? Don't you trust me anymore? Am I suddenly not good enough anymore, now that you can finally be with other people?" I bit into my bottom lip to stop it from quivering.

"No. How can you say that? I trust you. It's just hard. I feel so raw whenever I come home, so I just want to be together with you without having my dark side polluting our time together. Believe me. I won't leave you. I could never do that. Ask me. I promise I will tell you what ever you want"

"Okay" He said calmly. I sat down on the bed and pulled him down beside me.

"What do you talk about? You have never really told me that much. Does she know something I don't?"

"She does.."

"Why?" He sounded a little angry again.

"We started talking about what happened that time.. with my teacher.. Then it just.. we talked about my family, Sasuke, you." I gave him a small smile.

"We have talked about what I want to change about myself and why and such things. It's not like she knows a lot more about me than you… I have just talked in more details about that time, about my self harm and about Sasuke. It's not because I don't trust you. I just don't like you to see those sides of me. I just feel pathetic… So I just want to talk to her about it, and then have her help me make it disappear. That's why I like coming home to you. You heal me. She slowly reopens every scar I have and then you heal them until they're gone. So can't we just continue not talking about them? I just want to forget about it all. If you want you can come with me again. She asked me last time about having you sit there like with my first meeting." I said unsure about his reaction.

The first time I had to meet her had made me really nervous, so Gaara ended up sitting beside me throughout the first session. It hadn't been hard, mostly because we didn't really talk about my problems. It was just a short meeting to get to know each other and to make me more comfortable.

"If you want me there…" He said softly.

"I don't mind" I said quickly. I didn't know what was wrong with him, but if he really was so bottered about it I wanted to help.

"Sorry" Gaara said after a short silence had fallen between us.

"I know it's hard for you. I just feel like you're slipping away somehow" I frowned

"Why"

"You're getting better. I just don't feel spe-… You're together with other people and talking and having fun, and you wouldn't talk about your sessions.. and.." I cupped his cheeks and kissed him.

"I'm not going anywhere. It's because of you. Everything is because of you. I'm getting better because you're here helping me though it all, don't forget that" I crawled into his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt him hug back and soon after he was kissing me.

"I love you" I felt him stiffen at my words. We had never said those three words to each other. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"I really love you. You were the first person to make me feel… normal. You saw me in my darkest moments and instead of feeling disgusted you helped me. You made me feel like, maybe I wasn't so different from everyone else. Maybe I could be someone who was special. So don't think I would ever leave you. This place here. Right in your arms. This is were I feel most comfortable. This is were I can be myself. I don't have to put on a mask. I don't have to fake anything, because I know you will be there no matter what and that you will help me through it." I felt the tears tickle down my cheeks and opened my eyes to see his reaction. The sight shocked me. He was crying too.

"Wha-" He pulled me into a kiss.

"I love you too" He whispered against my lips

"You taught me how to feel again and the only place I feel happiness is here with you, so I'll never let you go no matter what." The words brought me such a warm feeling inside me and even though we were both crying, I had never been so happy in my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow.. It's finished. It has been such a great experience. I hope you all liked it and felt like the ending fit the story.


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